Close Friend Pregnant with Honeymoon Baby
Sometimes it's so hard to be happy for others who get pregnant so easily. A close friend of mine (she was my bridesmaid 3 years ago- and I was her bridesmaid in August). She knew about my struggles with getting pregnant and when I was at her wedding she said her and her newly husband were gonna start trying right away, and they were hoping for a honeymoon baby. She just called me today to let me know she is 12 weeks pregnant... And they are thrilled to be having a honeymoon baby!
It was so hard for me to sound "happy" for her when they got pregnant the first month and it's going on a year and a half of us trying... I hate feeling jealous and I truly want to be happy for them, but sometimes it just hurts. Especially because I've been spotting quite a bit ... Not enough to declare it AF but my guess tomorrow it'll come full force and be yet another failed/unsuccessful month. The only plus side to AF coming is I will be able to finally start the process of my first Clomid + IUI cycle. That is assuming my DH's numbers will be good enough. He has a varicocele and we are in the process of setting him up with a consult and then he'll most likely get the embolization procedure done. But in the meantime, financially we decided to try 2 cycles of an IUI if his numbers are ok enough... So who kowa. We could go though th whole clomid and u/a monitoring... And the doc will make the final decision after the sperm washing. If they are ok, we will go trough with the iui, if not... Then we will cancel it.
Anyway, I've been a tad discouraged and frustrated lately, it seems like all my friends are getting pregnant, not to mention my SIL who is currently pregnant with twins and they already have 4 children. I just wish there was something else I could do, I feel so "out of control" ... And wish I could do more to finally get a BFP.
Thanks to listening to me vent!
It was so hard for me to sound "happy" for her when they got pregnant the first month and it's going on a year and a half of us trying... I hate feeling jealous and I truly want to be happy for them, but sometimes it just hurts. Especially because I've been spotting quite a bit ... Not enough to declare it AF but my guess tomorrow it'll come full force and be yet another failed/unsuccessful month. The only plus side to AF coming is I will be able to finally start the process of my first Clomid + IUI cycle. That is assuming my DH's numbers will be good enough. He has a varicocele and we are in the process of setting him up with a consult and then he'll most likely get the embolization procedure done. But in the meantime, financially we decided to try 2 cycles of an IUI if his numbers are ok enough... So who kowa. We could go though th whole clomid and u/a monitoring... And the doc will make the final decision after the sperm washing. If they are ok, we will go trough with the iui, if not... Then we will cancel it.
Anyway, I've been a tad discouraged and frustrated lately, it seems like all my friends are getting pregnant, not to mention my SIL who is currently pregnant with twins and they already have 4 children. I just wish there was something else I could do, I feel so "out of control" ... And wish I could do more to finally get a BFP.
Thanks to listening to me vent!
Replies
I wish I had something perfect to tell you that would make this all okay but I\'d be lying. Sometimes I wonder if we have IF because DH and I are so in love and have such a good marriage that we don\'t deserve happiness in our relationship and a baby. Sometimes I think that this can\'t possibly be my life, I\'ve never done anything bad, never been arrested I don\'t so drugs and hardly drink so why don\'t I deserve a baby?? And then when I\'m really down in the dumps I play the \"what would I give up for a baby\" game in my head which can\'t be good for my mental health. I would give up our house and our cars, my dog who I\'ve had for 7 yrs since my early 20s, I have trouble thinking of things that I WOULDNT do or trade for a baby. Some days I\'d even settle for just an answer as to whether I will ever have a baby. I\'ve even begged DH to cheat on me because then he could at least be a dad and I could be a step mom (all of our tests are normal so there\'s no real reason that I have for thinking that he would be successful with someone else).
I\'m so sorry that you\'re going through this now, and that we all are because I wouldn\'t wish this on anyone in the world, especially people like us who are putting all of our money and hopes into pill, shots, and science on the off chance that we will someday be lucky enough to have the thing that seemingly everyone else gets to have by accident. I hope that I haven\'t made you feel even worse because that\'s not my goal. The only thing that offers me solace is that there are other people going through this too. Otherwise I don\'t know what I\'d do.
I can totally relate. IF is really unfair, and I agree with you, it\'s so hard because it\'s out of our control. I hope your friend is able to consider your feelings during this exciting time in her life. But always remember, whether she does or not, we are here for you hun :)
Hugs Hun just know how you are feeling is perfectly normal and don\'t feel bad about it.. Sometimes there is nothing anyone can say or do to make us feel better when going through infertility but we are here for you and you are being productive not counterproductive and with any luck your husband will have good numbers and and can continue with the iui and clomid... Hugs and stay strong
I wish each one of us had a close, personal friend who could relate with us. Why couldn\'t any of us have honeymoon babies?? It\'s so not fair. I know how you feel about the feelings of \"happy\" for her. Sometimes I wonder if everyone struggled for just a teeny bit, maybe they would have a better understanding of our feelings. But then if that was the case everyone would be hurting so much like us :( At least she waited till she was 12 weeks to tell you. For some reason all the ass holes in my husbands family/friend circle let us know 2 days after they POAS. They might as well send us the stick picture with the positive reading it\'s so freaking fresh.
It\'s all salt in our wounded uteri. So sorry for you and sad you have to watch her be happy & pregnant- exactly where we all want to be :(
Thank you ladies! I appreciate all your comments and advice. As much as I wish none of you were going through this, it does help to know I\'m not the only one, and the feelings that I\'m feeling are normal. Much love to all of you