closer
I feel like I'm closer to being healed.
I'm very, very angry. I thought I was angry because he's dragging his feet on the divorce, and not keeping other promises, but I NOW see that I'm really angry about how he treated me this whole time.
I feel like I know he's secret. The one he's so careful to keep.
That he has no soul, no emotions, no "person" inside his shell of skin. That everything he said or did for me was strategic, and purposeful, and without any kind emotion whatsoever, because it isn't possible for him to FEEL emotion such as love.
So it was like when you tell a telemarketer "have a nice day" and you really don't mean it. You just say it to get them off of the phone.
I'm dealing w/ it by responding to his emails (which are about practical things),and including fake things in there. It helps somehow to lie to him. Nothing big whatsoever. But I'll say some little thing like, "really hope you're doing well! :)" And NOT mean it at ALL, where as that used to really mean a ton to me when I'd write that.
Somehow, just a couple of small fake things like that make me realize how easy it was for him to lie. When he responded w/ something like "everything will be okay! :)" I blew it off as yet another lie.
I'm angry that he lied to me for 2 years. But it's his only chance for having a relationship. If anyone knew him, they would leave him. I did.
I know him now. There really isn't anything to like. To know him is to hate him.
At least I had an earlier ex who really did love me, and who did suffer (as I did) when we ended things. After 7 years he still texted me "happy new year" and he's getting married and seems happy. I'm thrilled for him, and it's a reminder that there ARE good men in the world who KNOW how to love, care, and respect other people.
There are. And we will find them. But first we must all heal from the horrible things these soul-less abusers have done to us.
And after that, we'll be healed, happy and just fine. And they will continue to walk the earth, as soul-less abusers, wandering around like zombies looking for brains to eat -- with a thin exterior of someone friendly-looking in a suit with a smile. A very thin exterior.
I'm glad he's gone. And I know my anger will be gone soon too. And then I'll have nothing but empty feelings for him, a vague memory of what used to exist in my heart, a very, very long time ago.
I'm very, very angry. I thought I was angry because he's dragging his feet on the divorce, and not keeping other promises, but I NOW see that I'm really angry about how he treated me this whole time.
I feel like I know he's secret. The one he's so careful to keep.
That he has no soul, no emotions, no "person" inside his shell of skin. That everything he said or did for me was strategic, and purposeful, and without any kind emotion whatsoever, because it isn't possible for him to FEEL emotion such as love.
So it was like when you tell a telemarketer "have a nice day" and you really don't mean it. You just say it to get them off of the phone.
I'm dealing w/ it by responding to his emails (which are about practical things),and including fake things in there. It helps somehow to lie to him. Nothing big whatsoever. But I'll say some little thing like, "really hope you're doing well! :)" And NOT mean it at ALL, where as that used to really mean a ton to me when I'd write that.
Somehow, just a couple of small fake things like that make me realize how easy it was for him to lie. When he responded w/ something like "everything will be okay! :)" I blew it off as yet another lie.
I'm angry that he lied to me for 2 years. But it's his only chance for having a relationship. If anyone knew him, they would leave him. I did.
I know him now. There really isn't anything to like. To know him is to hate him.
At least I had an earlier ex who really did love me, and who did suffer (as I did) when we ended things. After 7 years he still texted me "happy new year" and he's getting married and seems happy. I'm thrilled for him, and it's a reminder that there ARE good men in the world who KNOW how to love, care, and respect other people.
There are. And we will find them. But first we must all heal from the horrible things these soul-less abusers have done to us.
And after that, we'll be healed, happy and just fine. And they will continue to walk the earth, as soul-less abusers, wandering around like zombies looking for brains to eat -- with a thin exterior of someone friendly-looking in a suit with a smile. A very thin exterior.
I'm glad he's gone. And I know my anger will be gone soon too. And then I'll have nothing but empty feelings for him, a vague memory of what used to exist in my heart, a very, very long time ago.
Replies
You are closer to healing and you do have a pretty good understanding of how he works and that he doesn\'t think and feel like a normal person.
It helped me to find out what the ex is and will always be. I feel great pity for such and empty man.
You are right. They can\'t change and will always be what they are. I\'m glad you\'ve had that opportunity to learn and it will help you heal.
thank you trisha! :)