i've been cleaning my room today. it's been a mess for a month or so and long before that it was very disorganised. when we moved here i just left a lot of stuff in boxes in my closet but then we thought we were going to get a roomate and i moved my things into the larger spare bedroom and again just threw everything into the closet. so now that school is starting soon i figure it's a good time to go through everything and sort out just what i've been toting around for years. so far i've 3 large garbage bags of shredded paper from clearing out my a couple of my file boxes. i've kept the important stuff like tax returns but i shredded the old bills and ephemera i've been lugging around since at least 1998. it was weird shredding old leases for the places i lived with my ex. it didn't hurt though like so much has over the years, maybe i'm really finally letting go. i started a mixed paper recycling box for all the magazines i've kept. i'll still hold onto a few but most of it is going to the recycling center. and after i tackle that i'm going to go through my memory/letter boxes. i'm not ready to get rid of the letters and recollections of my long lost friends and my ex, but surely i can whittle down the collection. i also have a notebook to transfer information into from all the little notes and slips of paper i tuck into things. and a folder for story ideas i've jotted down. part of it is that i really do need to get organised and stop being such a pack rat, but also i'm pretty anxious about school and having an organised enviornment will help me lessen my anxiety levels. i have an appt. with a new t-doc and p-doc a few hours before my first class of the semester and i'm nervous about that, but i know that if i don't set a good foundation with a mental health team i'll be courting crisis in a couple of weeks and i can't afford that if i'm actually going to succeed at school this time. i think back on it and shake my head at my failures. 4 attempts at schooling since 2005 and i've never lasted a full semester before spiralling into a daze of depression, anxiety and confusion. i want this to work this time so i'm trying to do everything i can to set myself up to succeed. i'm tired today but it's a good "feeling productive" tired. i'm still a little unsettled and down about what happened last night. my sister hasn't mentioned it at all and i'm wondering if i should say something to her about it or whether that's likely to set her into one of her own moods. in general though it's a middlin' day and i'm feeling relatively even-keeled. getting back on my medication (lamictal & klonopin) was a good decision. it's still too early for the lamictal to reach the beneficial levels, but i'm not feeling nauseous with it so i think that's helping in elevating my mood a bit.