Clarity
I woke up this morning with a little bit of clarity. He is still controlling my thoughts, actions, mood. I am allowing this to happen.
Spoke with him last night. In a 25 minute conversation he said:
He loves me, he needs me, He never really loved me, I'm too weak of a person to be with him. We have something that is special and rare. He will never love anyone like he loves me. We never did work and he hates me for wasting his time. I'm his best friend, I'm a bad person, He appreciates everything I did for him, I'm just a user
He needs to quit drinking, he needs to cut down on drinking, I need to understand why he needs to drink, I'm part of the reason he drinks. He's already working on cutting down on his drinking. He needs to do better, I can never find anyone better than him.
Come get my stuff or he'll throw it away, Can't come get my stuff until he says I can. Can leave my stuff there as long as I want. Give him back his key,
He would never ever hurt me. Better watch out to not cross him cuz he can be a mean mother ****
THIS WHY I LEFT HIM. There is no real answer to anything. He is unable to have a clear thought. He is a sick person. Alcohol has taken too many brain cells
Soooo I am struggling with my desire to get him to make sense, to get him to understand what he is doing. THIS IS NO LONGER MY PROBLEM
I want him out of my head. I need to focus on me, on my needs and concerns. On making a future for myself
Spoke with him last night. In a 25 minute conversation he said:
He loves me, he needs me, He never really loved me, I'm too weak of a person to be with him. We have something that is special and rare. He will never love anyone like he loves me. We never did work and he hates me for wasting his time. I'm his best friend, I'm a bad person, He appreciates everything I did for him, I'm just a user
He needs to quit drinking, he needs to cut down on drinking, I need to understand why he needs to drink, I'm part of the reason he drinks. He's already working on cutting down on his drinking. He needs to do better, I can never find anyone better than him.
Come get my stuff or he'll throw it away, Can't come get my stuff until he says I can. Can leave my stuff there as long as I want. Give him back his key,
He would never ever hurt me. Better watch out to not cross him cuz he can be a mean mother ****
THIS WHY I LEFT HIM. There is no real answer to anything. He is unable to have a clear thought. He is a sick person. Alcohol has taken too many brain cells
Soooo I am struggling with my desire to get him to make sense, to get him to understand what he is doing. THIS IS NO LONGER MY PROBLEM
I want him out of my head. I need to focus on me, on my needs and concerns. On making a future for myself
Replies
Oh, honey, wow. Three years ago, I could have written this. I physcially left but I continued the phone calls and the communication with him far too long. Try to say things differently so he would understand. Try to get him to get help, etc... My ex says the exact same irrational things. Except, over time it got even worse. You did a very good self care thing. You left. Now, you really need to \"leave\" and consider no contact. It ISN\'T easy. I have been struggling with it for far too long. Hugs.
Hi, I am a stranger who came across your journal entry by accident and I felt the need to comment on that because you brilliantly described \"crazy making behavior \". I think he knows exactly what he is doing and he is conveying to conflicting ideas at the same time to confuse you. It\'s a tactic most manipulators use when they are trying to mentally abuse someone.
My ex did the same thing to me.
Wow this is such an insightful post. You have the perspective to listen and really hear how inconsistent his words are, without getting drawn into them. And even to step back and clearly see your own desire to make him make sense, and step back from getting drawn in by that. Wow. Absolutely this is no longer your problem. You have graduated from this one with A+ in insight. I wish you a wonderful future. Thank you for helping shed some light on some things in my life too with your post.