church going dad's girlie magazines
Sat on a bench about 6 blocks from home, during my 2 mile Walmart walk today---and enjoyed looking up at the sky, thinking about what ancient egyptians and greeks thought of the sky, from the books I read about ancient cultures.
Walking through an alley from there, I thought how my worthless dad could have locked himself in a room in our 3-floor falling apart house, to read his bible, or girlie magazines. I found some of his girlie magazines when I was a kid.
But, instead of reading, my idiot dad would go to the bars all day Saturday, with my evil mom angrily waiting for him around 3 in the morning. Maybe my phoney baloney church going dad was looking for a 3rd wife; my parents met in a bar, no mention of the first wife, though my evil mom did say how my drunken dad only got religion after an accident at work.
And my drunken, crazy, parents had bizarre philosophy that booze was ok---but that I shouldn't have a girlfriend, or even be around people. So, though I've lived in my hometown all my life, there's almost never anybody for me to bump into during the 100s of times I've biked/walked 2 miles to Walmart in last 10 years.
My lowlife parents certainly made sure to complain about ME to everybody, with me staying quiet of their crazy hatefulness. And they had tons of money to give to their fellow lowlifes. History written by the winners; at least loser-me can have the last word about my lowlife parents. Christ, they were demented.
(semi-anonymously in nepa)
Walking through an alley from there, I thought how my worthless dad could have locked himself in a room in our 3-floor falling apart house, to read his bible, or girlie magazines. I found some of his girlie magazines when I was a kid.
But, instead of reading, my idiot dad would go to the bars all day Saturday, with my evil mom angrily waiting for him around 3 in the morning. Maybe my phoney baloney church going dad was looking for a 3rd wife; my parents met in a bar, no mention of the first wife, though my evil mom did say how my drunken dad only got religion after an accident at work.
And my drunken, crazy, parents had bizarre philosophy that booze was ok---but that I shouldn't have a girlfriend, or even be around people. So, though I've lived in my hometown all my life, there's almost never anybody for me to bump into during the 100s of times I've biked/walked 2 miles to Walmart in last 10 years.
My lowlife parents certainly made sure to complain about ME to everybody, with me staying quiet of their crazy hatefulness. And they had tons of money to give to their fellow lowlifes. History written by the winners; at least loser-me can have the last word about my lowlife parents. Christ, they were demented.
(semi-anonymously in nepa)
Replies
I am glad that you got this out of your system! I think we all have an agenda with our parents of some sort, some worse than others. I was lucky and married very young and got out of the house. Both of my brothers did the same. Alcoholics are impossible to live with! My parents drank alot, but it all started with their membership with The Elks Club, they did not drink when we kids were growing up. But they never should have been parents, they only cared about each other, we kids were just something they had to put up with! Thanks for letting loose, we are very much on your side!
ah, yes, the elks and the moose---those memberships have certainly dwindled, since pizzerias in pa can now serve beer on sundays, and bars have made sure to serve food on sundays.
I\'m sorry for your miserable upbringing. Try to join a group and meet likeminded people; or just any people.
Thanks, Lydia.
Though, i\'m too broke and no transportation for new people---i was also thinking today how i just have to adapt & accept re what i got myself stuck with.
Getting rid of these secrets is, hopefully, a step in that direction for me.
How well I know of some of the parents ways and how much they can haunt a person too. They say to forget the past and move on, but somehow, I am not doing a good job of that. I will say that my father was a very very good man, it was my mother who was the culprit right on her death bed she still tried to hurt me. They say forgive and forget, but like I said I am having a very hard time with that. I can\'t change it and I somehow can\'t forget it.
I know I have done things wrong with my boys, but nothing like I grew up with. I mean nothing. I am also finding out how phony people can be who do go to church. I am not saying all of them, but I sure have had a heads up with my landlord. Okay, I won\'t tell you what my father use to say but it rings true in my ears. Hugs and I follow your journals and I can tell you didn\'t have a good raising but you are a good person, and just wanted you to know that.
Thank you, very much, Lucy570
I sometimes have to walk away from the computer for awhile, when people write nice things to me; nutty me not use to nice comments for me.
Hey, Penn, you read and enjoy ancient cultures? Me, too. They are very intriguing.
(((Hugs)))
I don\'t think it\'s possible to forget the past. There are reminders i get. Sights, sounds, smell. I get haunted at times too. I think what is important is how we respond when we are reminded of those memories. Where do we go in our mind. Do we ruminate over that memory all day? Do we allow the past ruin our now, our day? That\'s what I\'m working on. I think it is very therapeutic to write down these memories you have and get it out. I\'ve done the same here at DS. I have deleted things now but no doubt I will write again. I have memories I wish I didn\'t have but They are there if I want to retrieve it. But I\'m tired, don\'t want to rehash it again in my head. I am focusing on now. Cuz I can\'t do shit about what happened.
I hope you can make peace with your past. That\'s what I want. To have peace.
I wish you all the best.
thank you, catwoman137
thank you, naturegirl65