church

I want to go to church but not alone. I want my husband to go, but he usually  says no. Hes had attitude  towards  the Catholic church, but he wont change churches. He acts like, a new aged church, which i am not. I am a Christian first, but I am catholic.  I want te receive holy communion.  I want my husbsnd and  boys to go. I know why, This is around the times i first miscarried  with my second baby. I get like this , this time of year. Just like when there is a full moon out. I get funky scared feeling like when you hear the sound of a firetruck, or sirens on the 1st saturday of the month, our state still does that. I fee llike I need god , right now, and my husband an boys need to receive  the holy communion too.We need God in us. The sirens sound ugh! Why do have we have to live by a hospital and a fire station. And  my husbsbd is fireman captian emt. I am gonna have let god handle it right now. Sit and let Jesus do his will. Thy will be done. My grandma used to say that, or talk in polish.  I miss her. My mom is alot like her. My grandpa did alot for her. Now they are togrther. My mom isnt doing to good with her kidneys.  Her diabetes  is bad. 2 shots a day, and her normal sugar level is like 180. I think thats high. My dad keeps plugging along. 2 tubes in his stomach, formula in one tube, meds in the other. They call them j tubes.well, he still has a garden, he keeps chewing gum, but he spits out his spit, tissues every where. I pick them up everytime I go over their house. Every sunday,then another day a week for laundry . I miss my dad eating.  He loved his tomatoes, an cukes, and blts. Soup, all the time, chicken soup. Then friday fish dinner.I miss that. We would meet my parents for dinner somewhere.  The kids where little an we go. I dont go out much anymore.My husband says why, wr can cook at home. I just dont want to prep the food, cook it, and clean up. I am getting tired. I want more seafood.I bought some shrimp an whiteing fish.It comes from up north, probably from Canada. Well, thats all.