Christmas without my wife

I have lied to my wife about so many stupid things and none of my reasons justify hurting her. She sent me a photo of the vows I wrote her on our wedding day last night and it was heart wrenching to read because I broke my own vows. I cheated on my wife by messaging another woman for 5 days while I was away in Mexico and said referred to my spouse as my exwife. My wife is due to give birth any day now and I can’t belive I threw away our 6 years together for nothing. I hope to get to the root cause of why I messaged that our women for 5 days so I can get clarity and explain it to my wife. Today is my 4th day of trying to not tell any lies to myself or anyone around.me.  I hope I can stay strong and become the man/husband she deserves with hard work and by being completely honest to myself and those around me.