Christmas time

So my husband thinks that something is wrong with me because I don't seem to want to celebrate Christmas.  I love Christmas, but it is difficult when we can't reallly enjoy it.  It is difficult because we can barely pay our rent.  In addition, I am depressed and it seems that Bashan doesn't realize that.  He expects me to understand that he is depressed, but doesn't seem to realize that I can be really depressed too... I mean, just a month or two ago I was truly considering suicide. I don't know how to get into the Christmas spirit when I feel like there is no hope.  This is the 12th year without my mom here and just a year ago I lost my grandfather who was really important to me... I am just down!