CHRISTMAS EVE 2013
BAH!!! HUMBUG!!!!
For the first time in my life, I just ain't into Christmas...It used to be one of my favorite times of year...last year, I had to force myself to go through the motions...and I did ...last year at this time, Dec.21 I was fighting an asthma attack...this year, on Christmas Eve of all days, I spent the day at the dr's office, getting a breathing treatment, and a shot in my butt!!!...my butt!!! I haven't had a shot in my butt since I was a kid!!! a little kid!!!...it HURTS!...then after that I went to the pharmacy to pick up Rx's ...for a person who dislikes taking meds, i am taking so many meds it isn't even funny...I have to take steroids...3 pills once a day for five days!!! UGH...
Another thing...I was thinking while I was in the dr's office...I don't care whether I live or die...I don't want to hurt myself or commit suicide...but...I think subconsciously I am harming myself to the point of death...looking at the report from doctor, and knowing how my mind works...I am punishing myself by being sick...and remaining sick...I literally couldn't breath for the past 2 days and that is the only reason, I went to the Dr today...I hate not being able to breath...but my blood pressure was extremely high...malignant hypertension high...180/113 P103...Finally...I missed the Christmas Eve service at church...first time in 10 years!!!...I just don't have the desire to go...I am just not into anything...and it turns out I aint the only one...but it sure feels like I am...anyway...that's all for now...took some sleeping meds...and now I am going to try to get through the next 36 hours...so this whole holiday thing can just be over.
For the first time in my life, I just ain't into Christmas...It used to be one of my favorite times of year...last year, I had to force myself to go through the motions...and I did ...last year at this time, Dec.21 I was fighting an asthma attack...this year, on Christmas Eve of all days, I spent the day at the dr's office, getting a breathing treatment, and a shot in my butt!!!...my butt!!! I haven't had a shot in my butt since I was a kid!!! a little kid!!!...it HURTS!...then after that I went to the pharmacy to pick up Rx's ...for a person who dislikes taking meds, i am taking so many meds it isn't even funny...I have to take steroids...3 pills once a day for five days!!! UGH...
Another thing...I was thinking while I was in the dr's office...I don't care whether I live or die...I don't want to hurt myself or commit suicide...but...I think subconsciously I am harming myself to the point of death...looking at the report from doctor, and knowing how my mind works...I am punishing myself by being sick...and remaining sick...I literally couldn't breath for the past 2 days and that is the only reason, I went to the Dr today...I hate not being able to breath...but my blood pressure was extremely high...malignant hypertension high...180/113 P103...Finally...I missed the Christmas Eve service at church...first time in 10 years!!!...I just don't have the desire to go...I am just not into anything...and it turns out I aint the only one...but it sure feels like I am...anyway...that's all for now...took some sleeping meds...and now I am going to try to get through the next 36 hours...so this whole holiday thing can just be over.
Replies
We haven\'t been for the last few years as well. We do decorate and buy for my grandson but that is it. I don\'t like taking meds either and didn\'t want to. Now I am three. Ugh! I quit caring much several years ago. I go through the motions and have a burst of caring occasionally but that is about it. Your blood pressure is high. I think my last one was 180/70 or something like that. My desire to do the normal things is very low. Especially this time of year. It is depression and I am used to it. Have you talked to your doctor about perhaps having SAD? It is caused by a lack of light this time of year. I do hope your new year is better. Heres hoping.