Christmas Eve 09 Reflections

The ten day beach holiday I planned to help me avoid the real hurly burly of the Christmas season is coming to a close. My daughter left an hour ago and I am heading out of here in another hour or so. At the moment I am enjoying the quiet now that I only have two and not four dogs with me. As I write I am listening to Classic FM, enjoying their beautiful Christmas music as compared to the muzac that fills the supermarkets. The holiday has been good. We had some tense moments because we were both feeling a bit depressed but lots of beach walks, some swims in the surf and good food seems to have done the trick. We also spent a good deal of time watching DVD's. The very silly 'Alias' proved good value and we both got a laugh out of the ridiculous scenarios and Sidney's amazing outfits and accessories.  Both my daughter and I feel that the lead in to this Christmas has been less painful than previous ones. Originally I was going to avoid the extended family Christmas dinner but I realise my eighty five year old mother is not doing that well and so I have decided to go, spend Christmas Eve with her and then take her to my brother's for lunch tomorrow. I can do this. It will be all okay. I have been to enough things on my own now and the pain has eased.  In the early evening my mother and I will drive into the city to meet my children and we will all go out to dinner together. Since Darryl's death I have tried to do things differently. It does seem to be working. Being on this site this year has proved a boon because it highlights how so many others are going through the same thing. It is not just me, not all about me.  Generally I am hanging out for the 'festive' season to pass and to look forward to a New Year and a new decade. This past year has been a big one. I sold the family home, moved, bought places for each of my children (making sure they have some of their inheritance early) and settled in a new community. I quite literally walked away from my previous life because the longer I stayed in our home the more I felt the void.  I am trying to look forward, trying to take one day at a time. I am also doing what I never usually do. I am actually formulating some resolutions. I have decided that they might not be such a bad idea after all.