Christmas Day.

     Another Christmas has come and passed, leaving behind a wispering peace and calming glow.  With the exception of an argument with my oldest daughter (20) about emailing a slide show of the day, to my siblings, all went well.  I lost the fight though, removing all of my oldest daughter's pictures from the production and replacing her with a pretty Japanees girl.  The change made my youngest Daughter (18) laugh so hard that it took the edge off of the argument.  I cooked the whole meal, which turned out great.  My Dad always seems amazed that I can cook so well, seeing that I grew up on a farm where the girls did the inside stuff and we men took care of the outside stuff. If he knew I was gay he would probably think that was the reason.  I think he does suspect, however.  He made a comment out of the blue that he didn't have a problem "With those gays" but they shouldn't "Parade" it around so much.  I think it was his way of telling me that, if I am gay, not to flaunt it around the family, and that he would accept me.  Time will tell I guess!      Mom was having a good day.  Her health is good but the alzhiemers is getting worst.  She seems to be stuck in her teenage years, talking about things her sisters did years ago, as if it happened today.  I took a lot of pictures and video as I will never know if this will be our last Christmas with her where she is aware of us and her surroundings. She is always in good spirits.  Dad has really stepped up, taking very good care of her which is a lot of doing.      With my Baby being 18 and my Mom's memories fading like flowers in the fall, I feel as if another chapter in my life is comming to an end.  The next chapter, out with the old (Funerals and such) and in with the new (Grandbabies and new pupies) is the milestone I hit before I become the guy driving to the Drs. office to slowly at 9:15am and I start buying my slacks out of a magizine. When I think of this I always think of myself being alone, which is okay, but I hope I don't become the old man who rants and rages about everything, rapid cycling through my golden years.      If I were told I could have any gift, only for me, next Christmas, I think I would ask to feel like a normal person, even if just for one day.  Of course, I don't even think that I would know what normal was if it hit me in the face! Who knows?      The whole Gay, in the closet thing is something I can deal with.  The Bipolar thing is always so confusing.  Maybe Bipolar people are the sane ones, frustrated with having to put up with the stupidity of the society we were born into. I think that one day, I will just go with my instinct and just do exactly what I feel I shoud do.  If I feel that a person is being rude to the cashier at the gas station, maybe I won't restrain myself from knocking a few of his teeth out, or, knock the knees out from under a drunk, who is heading for his car after leaving the bar (would a baseball bat be best suited for that?). Or maybe, just maybe, I will force feed a dead fetus to a abortion Dr. or cut the tounge from a politician, pummel the wife beater or take out a bunch of loans from a preditory lender and file bancruptcy on them.....Hmmmm, Guess I better stick to the pills for awhile longer. Do you feel the love? Joshuattee