Christmas Eve

Harvey, Cevyn, Andrew and Tiina are all here. We had our turkey dinner today as Cevyn and her dad will be having Christmas dinner with Harvey's dad tomorrow.  It is fine with me as Andrew and Tiina will be here.  The important thing is that we will be all together in the morning for gift opening.
I spent the day cooking - I enjoy it most times.  However today was difficult.  Lisa always watched to see that the turkey was brined, that the dressing was the same and we both enjoyed the crispy bits of the bird. She was a wonderful baker so she made sensational pies for dessert.
We made it through the meal.  Our son, Andrew, entertained - he has an off the wall sense of humour which Cevyn loves.  So we enjoyed the meal and entertainment.  Then it hit me.  Lisa was there in spirit but her physical self, and her laugh were missing. It just wasn't the same.  I had a candle burning for her all day, and will tomorrow.  But after dinner, I lost it.  I spent an hour in my bedroom crying my eyes out.  I really felt, and still do feel empty.  Thankfully, Joe took over and cleaned up.
I think Harvey is struggling.  Andrew and I both noticed - he is not his overly cheerful self.  And he didn't help at all with the cooking, something he normally enjoys.  
So as much as we are trying to keep it happy and normal, Christmas is not the same and never will be. 
A loss of a child is horrendous in and of itself.  However more is lost - the life and traditions that we took for granted. 
I wish my sisters at FMO a peaceful and blessed holiday. 
God willing, tomorrow will be a better day.
 

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

(((hugs)))
KandL
KandL

I so agree Marlene, so much is lost when your child passes. I am grieving Eddie as well as grieving the life I once had. I miss haring the words, \"Ma, or Mom.\". He was my only child so I may never be called that again; I hope God will allow me to hear \"Mom\" again in Heaven from Ed\'s lips. My grandchildren no longer view the world as safe if one can just go to bed one night and not wake up. And as you said, the loss of traditions. We have changed everything and for me, I think that part hurts a little less because if all was the same I think I\'d miss him more. Oh heck, I just miss him. I can imagine how Harvey must miss his beautiful wife and Cevyn. She should\'ve had her mom here for all her milestones. Sending love and understanding to you and Joe. Merry Christmas in Heaven, precious Lisa! Linda. PS - I\'m proud of you. You did very well and enjoyed your family time even though you cried - its Ok. Hugs...
Missinglisa
Missinglisa

I imagine our kids celebrating in Heaven. Have the best day you can.
Hugs, Marlene
biowoman
biowoman

It is never the same...doesn\'t mean it can\'t be good...but it is never the same...love to you...Karen