Christmas 2012

Who would have ever thought that Christmas 2012 would be such a Happy Day!  Our 2nd christmas without John yet my first one being remarried.  All the kids and grandkids came and it was truly like old times.  No one felt out of place they all had smiles on their faces and got along great.  It was the beginning of new family traditions.  My oldest is getting divorced, yet her boyfriend and his kids came spend christmas with us.  They are like the Brady bunch she has 2 and he has 3 yet they get alone great.  They are spending their holidays at Disneyworld right now John's favorite place.  Alexa didn't want to go without me she is 9 yet has been to Disney at least 5 times with me and John.  I told her she would have fun and think of Pops while there.  They said it is packed but are having a good time with new memories.  Life is not the same nor will it ever be.  I still have my moments and believe me I have more than I care to admit.  But after 32 years of marraige they don't just go away seems like constant reminders popping up here and there.  But Pat is a real trooper and he just holds me and says it will be ok.  I feel so safe when I am in his arms like nothing in this world could hurt me.  Lets face it we have all been through the most painful thing in our life, I lost my husband and I have lost a child and my parents.  I have learned to accept the things that happen and realize I am a better person because of my strength and faith.  I now seem to let the little things go and realize no one is promised tomorrow so live today as though it is your last.  I am not doing anything crazy just learning that things happen and sometimes you have no control over them.   It is a lot easier to live with this understanding than it is to worry about every little thing and fall apart.  I have been told by more than one person that I was put on a pedestal by my husband (John) and that I would never have someone love me that way again.  Wrong, my husband (Pat) loves me dearly and said he has never had or felt as loved as he does now.  Yep he too has put me on a Pedestal and I plan on staying there.  He thinks I am the greatest so I will enjoy my little pedestal as long as I can.  We all deserve to feel special and he makes me feel like a million bucks.  Needless to say I make him feel that way too!  It's not the same as my first marraige and sometimes I wonder if John would approve.  And then the tears come.  I still can't think of him without crying don't know if I ever will.  But I am happy it's just different!  New Memories, New Feelings, New Emotions just one day at a time and being thankful that I have such a loving and wonderful husband!