Childhood

Have you ever wished you could go back to your childhood? That you could just turn the clock back until you are 8 years old again and just live carefree all over again? I don't, I never do. I always feel as though I lost innocence too early. When I was young I spent my time crushed at school. It just felt like each day was a drudge. Another thing to get through. Constant difficulties bombarding me every day. I have so many skeletons in my closet that you could just as well reanimate them and take over the world with a brand new army of the dead. You want some dirt on me? I could give so much that it would bury me alive. In fact I could ruin myself in 30 seconds. Just tell you some shit about me which is awefull and you might not even believe it. The thoughts in my head right now could do that.    I ended my last school crushed, completely crushed. I got sent home once to get control of my anger. The little dick attacked me first. He was a scholar though, I was just a dyslexic. That was how the headmaster saw us. Academic achievers. I was at fault because I was one of the lowest of the low, a dyslexic. That was why I wasn't allowed to take any scholarship exams. I got told that I could've if I was given the opportunity but I was at the bottom. It was hard enough to go up into the normal group, but you couldn't jump that high, from bottom to top.    Then I came to Oundle. I thought, 'wow, maybe I can make things work out this time!'. It was a no though. I got there and, later on, I got told that one of the people that I share the house with though 'oh god, am I really going to have to spend the next five years with him?'. First day the degradation started. Some arse in the class with a face like a dog decided to crush me. Started on the first day and it still hasn't stopped. Next there was this guy who was arrogant, top of the world kind of guy who thought he was the best. Always trying to get to the top of things. It just pissed me off so much. Anyway I always thought I had made friendships, they were always brought down. Every year at the same time depression would strike and strip everything from me. Rebuild my life the next year, then 'BAM!', taken away again. Same thing happened in fourth form. I got depression at other times in that year. Always felt like crap for weeks on end. After that, the rest as they say, is history.