Checking in after a few days
sorry i hanvt posted in a few days. Been busy trying to get everything in order for court on the 6th. Also trying to get more mental help. Probation went well monday. Just my IOP class not seeming to work anymore. Its like No one is there for the rite reason, Pssing test with either fake piss or piss that belongs to someone else. People not there to get help people just there to stay out of jail, Maybe with me there is only 5 of us that takes its 100 percent for real. The others is affecting the whole gruop. Peolpe coming in high as hell and causing others to relapse. IDK This isnt a post just a check-in.
My mind is really causing me to fall behind in things i need to get done and things i need to change. I really want to work but its hard here to find a job that i can do since i really have a hard time being around people and new places. So over the un-controlable anxiety. I got most my other issues under control or at least my ming is making me think that. I have noticed that i find my self speaking out thoughts as if im telling to someone but no is ever around. And with group its harder and harder to talk cause of all the new people and a much bigger group now that we are at a new location. I just really dont know anymore half the time nothing feels real anymore. Its like im in a movie half the time and i find myself waking up more and more feeling like a total different person that i dont know. Im still me just not me if that makes any sense.
But i should be back to posting again and im sorry i been away for a few days.
Replies
Hi scotty, Im glad to hear you are taking your treatment seriously, that is really great, and I am sorry about the people in your group who don't. The general vibe of a group can have a major impact on its success and the success of its members. I know how you feel about being around new people and new places. It's definitely a struggle. I'm glad you updated us though, you definitely seem to have the drive and the will to improve your situation; keep going, and never hesitate to post on here. We're all here for each other on this site :-)
Hey Scotty, glad you are back on. Too bad the counselor isn't on top of things. Rough when so out numbered by those who don't want to change. Sorry that you keep having that feeling of not being real. Yep, me but not me makes sense. Give some thought to what jobs would involve minimum contact with others. Lots of times folks at 12 step meetings have leads. Did miss seeing your posts, so glad you sent an update. Hopeful hugs.
Take a moment to recognize that temptation will always be around, and it's most difficult to process in this environment with so many who are taking the way that works for them in the moment.
You're much stronger than you realize, because you see the situation in full surround. That means you're more aware of people, their actions, and you're connecting your experience. Find a way to make positive connections: you're there for your well-being, and you are responsible just for you.
The counselor has a goal for each meeting, and obviously, there are not enough resources to have a deputy attending, another associate involved with meeting. When a group gets so large, it becomes important to remember and pursue the goal you have for your well-being.
For jobs, pick one most important factor that you absolutely know you want the job to have. There are often ways to work through issues if you have one issue that is being recognized and worked with.
Best wishes. Take time for you and look at the good you're accomplishing for your well-being!
Thanks everyone I'll be posting at some point today. Think I've had a cold past couple days.
Higd to you all and thanks for support