Check myself.

I've noticed that I am doing something that I don't find healthy.  I am desperate to find someone so I don't feel so alone. I spend what little money I have on dates with women that I believe will go nowhere. I just want to not always feel alone. I actually think that I have made a few good friends on these sites and I kinda don't feel as lonely as I did.  I have friends now that I can spend time with and that makes me happy. 
Me constantly looking for women to spend time with has put me in a stooper. That is all I do when I am not on dates or taking care of my father. I think that I should create a limit on dating sites like you put a limit on kids video games.  I don't think I should be on them every day. I think that there is plenty of stuff to keep me busy.
Also I think that I am on here way to much. I think this site helps but it's kinda hard for me to practice techniques that I learned on here so this site will have time limits set for me as well.  I am not going to forget any of my friends on here though.This will still be my primary entertainment when I feel like I have done enough productive things in my personal life.

I Have sat and watched life pass me by and I am tired of sitting and riding it out. I have honestly been sitting here waiting on my father to die before I try to have a life.  I know that I can do both and I deserve to try and have a happy life. I will just incorporate my father in my better life. I think he may even become happier from it as well.

I am a very motivated person when I don't have depression stopping me in my tracks. What is the core of my depression,  it is myself and all the negative thoughts that have accumulated over my life, All the I can'ts and the I'm not good enoughs. FUCK THAT!
I am good enough,  I am going to do better now. I have been putting off my life and I vow to change that I want to see produtive behavior in myself from this point on. I am going to have expectations for myself I am going to start out small and work my way up. There are plenty of things that need to be addressed around my home so I will start there. 
I am going to take my time today and write a day planner that will help me accomplish my goals. It will not be to extensive because of daily events but each day I will look at my planner and work on daily chores for that day. I sometimes find myself paralyzed and feeling overwhelmed so I am going to just focus on 1 thing at a time. Quit thinking about everything and clear my mind. I'm not going to worry about finding love. I will continue to talk on the sites but I'm not going to make that my primary concern. I don't really know if I need it. I think I was just lonely.  I still  am just not as much. I honestly want to better my life before I try to have a serious relationship. I know if I do this I will have more confidence. 
Oh I forgot to mention I am going write out that list of practices I am going to use for dating but it will be much broader than that. I will incorporate the practices for life in general. It will be done today.  I might add some things over time or change it a bit but it will help me become a better person. 
 

Replies

shelle68
shelle68

Work on loving yourself. Try to find social activities that you enjoy.. Bowling, swimming arc. Try to go out with a regular friend and enjoy your self.
riplakish
riplakish

I concur w/ the above statement, & want to expand on it, if I could. I see you like to use the word \"alone\" in place of \"lonely\". After Cindy passed I was LONELY ALL the time, while I was alone or w/ a group of people. When I worked on loving myself, I haven\'t been lonely since.