Chapters 2 & 3
Chapter 2 talks about how we use sex as a way to try to make someone love us more. I'm guilty of doing this. I tried so many different things to try to be better in bed. I learned new things, wore sexy little outfits, etc. I used to think that if I could be the best he ever had, then he wouldnt want any other women.
It also talks about not knowing the difference between pain and love. I always thought that if he puts me through all this pain, and I still love him, then it must be true love, and he will realize how much I really love him and that will make him love me more.
The author says that a woman who loves too much is not sexually attracted to a man with whom she is not struggling. Instead, she labels him "boring". That is so true of me! I have found that I am attracted to "bad boys" and I tried going on a date with a "good guy" once when me & BD were separated, but I felt bored and awkward with him. I wish that it was the opposite!
Chapter 3 talks about suffering to earn someone's love. Boy did I go through that with my parents!!! Now, I've gone through it with my spouse as well. I always thought that by sticking by him through the pain, he would see how much I love him. I even remember a few times when I told him something like "after all you have put me through you still dont appreciate the fact that I'm still with you. My love is never enough for you". There was a time in 2009 when we reconciled after his third affair and I got mad because he refused to give me money to buy our son diapers. He threw a fit and then did not talk to me for the rest of the night. The next day it was time for him to leave back to TX and he was so mad that I had gotten upset over money that he allowed the OW to use his phone to call me and when I answered she tried to talk crap to me. I hung up and cried. Then what did I do? I wrote him a letter about how much I care about him and how I was sorry for asking for money. I told him he should forgive me because after all, I had forgiven him for cheating on me and thats way worse... No matter what I did or didnt do, I always felt like I was never good enough to make him want to stay with me. WOW.. It sounds soooo bad and so embarrassing looking back on it! How sick was I?!?? :(
It also talks about not knowing the difference between pain and love. I always thought that if he puts me through all this pain, and I still love him, then it must be true love, and he will realize how much I really love him and that will make him love me more.
The author says that a woman who loves too much is not sexually attracted to a man with whom she is not struggling. Instead, she labels him "boring". That is so true of me! I have found that I am attracted to "bad boys" and I tried going on a date with a "good guy" once when me & BD were separated, but I felt bored and awkward with him. I wish that it was the opposite!
Chapter 3 talks about suffering to earn someone's love. Boy did I go through that with my parents!!! Now, I've gone through it with my spouse as well. I always thought that by sticking by him through the pain, he would see how much I love him. I even remember a few times when I told him something like "after all you have put me through you still dont appreciate the fact that I'm still with you. My love is never enough for you". There was a time in 2009 when we reconciled after his third affair and I got mad because he refused to give me money to buy our son diapers. He threw a fit and then did not talk to me for the rest of the night. The next day it was time for him to leave back to TX and he was so mad that I had gotten upset over money that he allowed the OW to use his phone to call me and when I answered she tried to talk crap to me. I hung up and cried. Then what did I do? I wrote him a letter about how much I care about him and how I was sorry for asking for money. I told him he should forgive me because after all, I had forgiven him for cheating on me and thats way worse... No matter what I did or didnt do, I always felt like I was never good enough to make him want to stay with me. WOW.. It sounds soooo bad and so embarrassing looking back on it! How sick was I?!?? :(
Replies
Very very interesting! I did the same thing. I let him blame me for his affairs and told him i was sorry! I guess i was sick too.
Thanks for posting, Looking forward to chapter 4.
(((HUGS)))))
Thanks, isnt it crazy how that works? I\'ve apoligized and took the blame and made excuses for him.. Finally it slapped me in the face that HE IS THE BAD GUY and none of it is my fault.. I used to ask \"why is he doing this to me\" Now I ask \"Why did I do this to myself\"..
Thanks for sharing about the books, I\'ll have to check them out. Seems like the\'ve been enlightening for you. I think I need some new perspective.
yes, they are enlightening! Its worth it!