changing
Change is the hardest thing. It's one of those things we as humans never want to accept. We block it out, we ignore it, we daydream of the days that are long gone and never coming back to us. And still we can stay in denial that as life evolves and changes, we should too.
I don't ever want to move on. I want to get into bed, pull my covers over my head and cry and be angry. I want to hate God and all the saints and every doctor in the country. I want to hate my body and my parents for cursing me with this difficult life. But i can't, this life is mine now, and i need to own up to it.
I don't want to live forever in denial that the sun is going to keep rising and my body will keep aging and that even when i dont want to i will have to change. And i don't want to keep going without my baby girl, but i have to. I can't face a future of regrets and sadness that i let myself and the people i love down. I don't want to cry forever.
I wish i could just drop all this baggage and be ok. I wish i could be strong and do it all at once, but I can't and i understand that, I'm only human. I hope tomorrow's better. I just have to keep my head up and keep looking forward to anything and everything, I forgot for awhile there that i used to have dreams. I forgot for awhile that life can be GOOD life can be BEAUTIFUL, if you let it be. Perception is everything, and i want to percieve a better future for myself, and i want to be HAPPY AGAIN.
I love you more than life Sophia. Help Mommy stay strong baby girl, and watch over Daddy.
I don't ever want to move on. I want to get into bed, pull my covers over my head and cry and be angry. I want to hate God and all the saints and every doctor in the country. I want to hate my body and my parents for cursing me with this difficult life. But i can't, this life is mine now, and i need to own up to it.
I don't want to live forever in denial that the sun is going to keep rising and my body will keep aging and that even when i dont want to i will have to change. And i don't want to keep going without my baby girl, but i have to. I can't face a future of regrets and sadness that i let myself and the people i love down. I don't want to cry forever.
I wish i could just drop all this baggage and be ok. I wish i could be strong and do it all at once, but I can't and i understand that, I'm only human. I hope tomorrow's better. I just have to keep my head up and keep looking forward to anything and everything, I forgot for awhile there that i used to have dreams. I forgot for awhile that life can be GOOD life can be BEAUTIFUL, if you let it be. Perception is everything, and i want to percieve a better future for myself, and i want to be HAPPY AGAIN.
I love you more than life Sophia. Help Mommy stay strong baby girl, and watch over Daddy.
Replies
I wish I could too! But, we are slowly moving in the right direction. We will make it girl! You are right, we are only human, we are built to feel emotion, we are built to feel sadness and pain when tragedy strikes. We have been so caught up in our grief, that we forget about all of the other things that used to make us happy. I am sure if we all take a look at our lives, we could find at least one thing to be happy and grateful for!
slowly we will all start to feel happy again. it takes time. i am sure we will never feel the same again but i know we will start to feel happy again one day. we have to realize that there is a piece of our heart that is missing now after losing our little angels ): just think about Sophia. she wouldn\'t want you to be sad all the time. she\'d want you to be happy. she\'d want you guys to go on with your lives. she knows you\'ll never forget her and she\'ll always be your angel. i think about what Azalea would think about my actions all the time and that is what keeps me going. i hope you had some moments of peace today (((HUGS)))