Changes all the time...

Just heard from Adam that he was released from parole/probation/whatever that monthly monitoring and restricting his movement was. He is now officially FREE. (, Well, except for fines that he still needs to finish paying for being on probation, and an apparently lifetime ban on obtaining a bank account, which should prove to be a huge pain in the a** and make his life much harder than if he could have a bank account. But I guess that's the everlasting price he has to pay for his mistake.) He seems greatly relieved, although he is still very sad and struggling with the way things are. I hope he can get his driver's license soon, as I think this will help him move forward in so many ways. We'll see...
I am back in New York after spending the greater part of the past six months in New Hampshire. I was caring for my new boyfriend's uncle, who was 90 years old, severely malnourished, had mild to moderate dementia, and was suffering from frequent small strokes, as well as for his father, who was 87 and had pancreatic cancer. Needless to say, it was a strenuous six months, although now that it is over, it seems like it lasted about fifteen minutes. On May 14, my boyfriend's father died at 4 'o' clock in the morning after a sudden, drastic decline. I was in New York two weeks earlier for four days because it was my son's birthday, and when I returned to New Hampshire, he seemed much more exhausted and had no appetite whatsoever, hardly even sipping water anymore, and his hands and feet were swollen and discolored, among other things. He had no strength at all, and spent most of his time asleep (morphine). The last three days were profoundly difficult, and I won't go into it here, but I will say that I can't fathom how my boyfriend must feel after what he watched his father go through. It was truly awful in every way, and when it was over, we were just stumbling around in a state of shock and dismay. Added to the grief and utter depletion was my boyfriend's uncle's need for supervision and care 24/7. We had Hospice coming in to help for an hour each day, and he (the uncle) got through his brother's death without any stress or expressing any emotion at all, but on May 21, he passed away quietly, in his bedroom, alone. What a day that was...it was like a dream, or a nightmare, going through the same motions, barely speaking, just like robots. It was a long, long week, and afterwards, we stayed in New Hampshire for a little while, trying to gain some footing before returning to New York. We've been in New York ever since, and it's been chaotic. So many legal issues, for one thing, as well as being physically exhausted and stressed out from the whole ordeal. It's put a pretty big strain on the relationship, too, and I'm hoping we can get through this and stay together, in spite of our different needs. He needs to spend some time alone, and I'm not happy about that, but I am trying my best to give him space and time to think and rest and whatever else he needs to do. I'm the kind of person who likes to be close to my boyfriend when things are hard, and he's the opposite, so it's a challenge. You'd think after dealing with being separated from Adam all that time that I'd be an expert at waiting and being alone and patient...well, I'm not! But I'm trying to do my best. I really do care for my new boyfriend very much and I want to honor his needs without feeling insecure about things. He seems to understand that the whole prison ordeal made me a little less steady secure than I was once upon a time and he's been very nice...all the same, I miss the way we were in the beginning.
Added to all this is the fact that my boyfriend's father owned the house where I am renting my apartment, and in his later years he obtained a reverse mortgage. We spoke to the bank a week or two ago and there's no way either of us can purchase the house, so...I'm going to have to find a place to live, on top of every other stressful thing going on. I'm so tired of chaos and insanity and moving and change. All I want is to settle into a boring routine, at long, long last. I guess that's not going to be, though, and so I'm trying to figure things out while also trying to maintain a positive outlook. There's not use in freaking out or resisting the changes, and honestly, I don't have the energy to, anyway. I'm looking for a job again, moving in with my boyfriend downstairs, putting my stuff in storage and renting out my apartment for the next 6-9 months. We talked it over and decided it was the best way to make some money while I look for work, and if he really needs some space, one of us can go to the house in New Hampshire for a few days or however long he needs to be alone. That house has a reverse mortgage too, so we can't stay there any longer than here, and since my children are in NY I want to stay here and find work and a place to live.
So...that's what's happening with me. I'm sorry I've been so absent from DS, it was a great help to me for all those months while Adam was away. I would have been here more if the past six months had not been such an intense and demanding experience. I hope everyone is doing well.