Change of Plans
Joe RV is atleast predictable for me. When he stated we were getting married in New Orleans May 2, In my mind I was thinking how would we be able to afford that? One of his flaws is, he jumps before thinking things thru and...I suspect maybe he did the same thing with this marriage thing. I had already talked to his mother about canceling that whole show in New Orleans-I'm more practical and calculated. I didnt feel we were getting off on the right foot financially spending that kind of dough 2 months in. I'm glad it happened. Now we will get married here-however-it may not be May as he wants. The date was moved back to May 16th. Last night I was already getting the "Flight" feelings. He was outside drinking his shots. I can tell hes lit when he starts slurring his words and repeating himself and it really just bothers me. I want to run away from it as much as possible. I feel like telling him instead of self medicating with alcohol-why not work on the pain he's trying to not feel. Theres lots of anger and lots of pain there.
I think I need to go home and have a serious talk with him. Tell him...no hard feelings, but that I think we need to live together for a year or I just need to move out and get my own place and date. 2 days ago, he whipped out a letter from the DMV saying his license was being suspended for lack of insurance-he asked me to add him to my insurance in which I thought if we were married Id be adding him anyway-I feel like I am already falling into the caretaker mode again. I am organized and pay my bills on time..even when things were tight. I understand people go thru hard times, Lord knows Ive had my share and I'm trying to give this a chance.
I think the best thing I can do is see how things go over the next week and then make a decision. I might wait and have talk with him to see if things get better-if not-I'm gonna have to self preserve.
Replies
Oh my! Sage....He's going to be a gigantic liability to you! Don't built a trap for yourself! At the very least, make sobriety a condition of a potential life together! Yikes!
I will pray for you.
Your flight feelings are appropriate.
I'm sorry I do not want this to sound like I'm judging as I know you're sensitive about that and that has been why I've been silent on this whole marriage thing. But I'll risk it because the truth is more important: Run. He is a problem. A big problem. This whole thing looked sketchy to me from the get go, between the sudden big grandiose proposal, to the urgency, to the drinking. Don't allow feeling pity for someone and desperation to get out of your other situation get in the way of common sense.
You are enmeshing yourself with an alcoholic. It will not turn out well for you, at all. I know all about alcoholics. I was raised by one. I come from a long line of them. Of course he has anger and pain; otherwise he wouldn't drink to excess. Telling him to focus on that vs the drinking is not going to make him quit drinking. It just won't. Be prepared to be hurt and disappointed for the rest of your life if you don't pull back here and set some serious conditions and boundaries. Take care of yourself FIRST. To not do is sabotaging yourself.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but sheesh, please don't set yourself up for what by all accounts will ultimately ruin you.
I think you are both right. Having a talk with him this evening. I predict he will go off on me in an angry tantrum.
You do not deserve to be subjected to an angry tantrum. I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Protect yourself, sign NOTHING, agree to NOTHING, until you've had a chance to step back and evaluate things with an objective mindset. I think part of the whirlwind aspect of everything he's putting into place is a tactic to distract you from having the time to say, well hold on, there's no logical reason we should have to run off and get married in 5 minutes. Again, if his intentions are pure and good and have your best interest at heart, he'd have no reason to rush a damn thing and he'd be comfortable with answering all your questions, addressing all your concerns, etc with no drama, anger or excuses.
Nothing gets my flight instincts up like hearing women talk about The Talk"s. Whatever the subject of The Talk at hand, I'm typically long gone before the assault begins. I believe woman to woman The Talks are rare, but I ain't a-taking no chances. I had five sisters who are all big on The Talks. Go ahead and start the party without me, Sis.
Keep your heels down, Pecos Sage. Easy does it.