Change and acceptance

Not long after I wrote yesterdays entry, I went for a 2 hour long walk. (I just felt like I needed to clear my head.) I didn't really feel better until I had only 20 minutes left before I reached home. In that moment I felt more refreshed, more ready to meet people.When I came home though, I was very quiet for awhile, and I think it may have been because of Marie being there. (she wasn't feeling well in the head. she's bipolar as I've mentioned before.) Well anyway, I suppose I thought I should be depressed because she is depressed. But I really don't know, I was just a bit mixed in the head!Well I woke up today, set on changing my attitude. When I look at myself, all I see is a mean hateful person, who's afraid of the unknown. And although I know I cannot completely change who I am, I would like to learn to accept myself. And not put myself down when things don't go my way. All things take time.I shall from now on, be writing 2 Journals, 1 on here and one of the computer. Basically it will just be full with the negative words I say to myself throughout the day. So I can see how much I put myself down. And how much things are not true, but I say them nonetheless.All in all I must apologize to myself, for treating me the way I have. And only then will I fully accept myself.