CH.3 My dip into an even deeper pit

As I drove home from my wife's funeral I felt calm and glad that the funeral was over. For about 3 or 4 weeks I was in this evil and spiteful state. I continued on with life but could barely function. I would tend to my father getting easily agitated over the most minute thing he did. I was mean and hateful to him. No one new what I was going through and I was hurting. Reflecting on my wife's death and all the torment that preceded her death turned me into a spiteful mean bastard. yelling and screaming at my father when I knew that he wasn't doing anything wrong. I blamed him for me not being their for Holly when she needed me most. He undeservingly accepted my hatred of him but continued to love me. I drifted in despair and more rage would fill into my sole while literally yelling at my wife for her not listening to me.
  After this time of being an asshole to everyone especially my father I suddenly realized the dark things that I was doing and I went to my father and I begged him for forgiveness and he did just like that. I continued to do all that I could for my father hoping that I could forgive myself for my wrongs towards him. I just kept thinking that I lost everything, thinking of the evil things I said to him, To everyone who cared for me, Loosing my son because I lost my mind, Not being able to keep Holly alive. I run to my car and start driving. Looking for a place I could end my life without hurting anyone else on the road. I go to an area where there is a t, in the road a three way stop. I see a huge tree at the stop on the side of the road, I knew that if I picked up enough speed that I could slam into that tree and that would be the end of me. I sat their getting ready to end it. At that moment I remembered my son and my wife's words to me, to be their for my son. I knew I needed help. I drove home and got on the CPU and found Daily Strength.