Ch.2 What I thought would be my final goodbye.

Me and my wife were in the living room. I was on the 360 playing halo reach. I was building a map that you could play online with your friends. She was sleeping on the couch. She said sweetie what are you doing? I said I'm just building a map in the forge I showed her what I was doing and because she loved me she showed entrest. She didn't like halo but she pretended. That makes me love her even more. She said sweetie I am going to bed, Would you take that headset off your ears, I might need something and you wouldn't be able to hear me. All hell Holly can I just turn them down. OK sweetie I guess that will be OK but listen for me. I said OK sweetie. I love you Andy. All I said was OK how pathetic is that? Anyway she goes to bed. A couple of hours later I thought I heard something. I said Holly are you OK? I didn't hear anything. I said again sweetie you OK nothing not a sound. I told myself that she was just sleeping. An hour later her sister calls and wants to talk to her. I walk back their My Holly is lifeless. I hung up and dialed 911. I gave her CPR. She died and more agony was sure to come
Her funeral was strange because I had family that had never met my son. It was more like a family reunion then a funeral. I saw that my wife's father was angry because my family was smiling and holding me and Holly's son for the first time. For many it was an introduction to our baby boy and I knew Holly would have wanted it that way because she loved me and she new I loved my family. But when the service started I was back to the reality of why we were there and the celebration of my baby boy halted. Her cousin the preacher spoke about Holly and I knew as he was speaking that I was getting close to never seeing her again. I starred at her face as Jason continued, not really hearing anything that was said. After he spoke people stared to leave. I started to cry again knowing that I was even closer to the cremation. I refused to leave when everyone else had gone the funeral director said that he was going to be in is Office for quit a while and that it would be fine for me to stay as long as I wanted. He asked if their was anything else that he could do and I said yes their is, I requested that he played a song that was part of Holly's list of songs that me and her family wanted to hear during the funeral. It was Flightless Bird, American Mouth. It is a beautiful song that my Holly said reminded her of me. I held her hand for the last time, looking at her, telling her that I was sorry and that I loved her, I kissed her on the forhead and said my final good bye.      

Replies

LuvMyTitans
LuvMyTitans

Hey sweetie. I know most of this because you\'ve written about it and I can\'t even imagine. I do hope that you have gotten over blaming yourself. Thank you for sharing about Holly\'s funeral. I\'m so glad that he played Flightless Bird for you as you said your goodbye to Holly. Comforting hugs ~~
jrp32079
jrp32079

Sorry Drew. The final goodbye sucks. Not the last image we want of our loved one. I was wife Dina for 16 years and married for 6 and I have a hard time picturing her anywhere other than the hospital or funeral home. Glad you got your last song. I had the song Green Spandex by Xavier Rudd played at the end of DIna\'s service. Amazing song, worth checking out. It meant nothing to us but it has stuck with me since the first time I heard it many years ago.