Ch.1 My dip into insanity before her death

I always struggled with what to believe when it comes to religion. I hated the thought of others going to hell because they don't believe a certain way.  I am sharing what I learned so that the few who feel this way can know peace of what is to come. My wife was the love of my life. I could not imagine life without her. She was ignorant to the fact that she was killing herself because of her unhealthy diet. She didn't listen to me, her mother, or the multitude of doctors telling her that if she didn't comply to a strict diet her kidneys would shut down and she would die.  The thought of my wife dyeing drove me to a point where I myself was suicidal. Because of me being a distraught unstable person my wife's family thought that it would be best if they took our son away from us and Holly blamed me because they succeeded. I was lost in a sea of depression due to the many struggles I had with caring for my father and trying to talk some since into my wife. I talked, cried, screamed, and yelled at Holly to just listen to someone if not me. She was in denial, She told me that she would be OK. The most hurtful thing she said to me at that time was that she would rather die than to comply with this strict diet and that she isn't going to stop eating and drinking what she wanted. Holly soon realized that I and everyone else were right.
Holly's kidneys quit functioning and she had to start dialysis to stay alive. She finally realized how bad her reality truly was. She then started asking me for help and I did because she was my love. I took her to her dialysis 3 times a week. I knew it was too late for her and I asked why couldn't you have listened when it could have helped. She replied that she didn't want to believe because in her mind life without certain pleasures would not be worth living and she now saw everything that she was going to lose. She decided to listen now but it was too late. Crying and begging I told her to let me go before her let me take my life so I can be there for her when she past, let me light the way. She replied no your son needs you, I said YOUR SON NEEDED YOU, I NEEDED YOU  AND YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE WHEN I LOST COSTODY OF OUR SON! I didn't understand. We were both crying and I told her that I loved her and that I would be their for our son and I would do anything to keep her here as long as possible.
I became sad, lonely, and tired of doing everything. Me trying everything to help her but nothing helped. she became scared and weaker realizing how close she was to dyeing she begged me to help her. (I was thinking I did help, everyone tried to help but no you wouldn't listen and now at the end you want me to help and I cant how dare you.) I told her that I would do what I could.