Cautiously optimistic

Ok, 4 weeks. 28 days. If I were inpatient somewhere they would be saying adios to me today. And I know these are the first steps in a lifelong journey. But 29 days ago i thought I was doomed to a life of succumbing to my compulsions. I thought it was hopeless. I thought I was hopeless. And I still struggle with guilt, even feeling guilty for being so needy on this board. But I always knew I would endure any humiliation if it were my kids who needed something, would "dig ditches" or beg on the street for their needs, and in a way that's what I am doing here. It IS my family who is in danger. So if I have to tug and poke and post to the point of driving people crazy, then so be it!
I bought the books. I'm watching the videos. I'm talking and chatting and messaging and listening and questioning. I just really wish the GA meetings were more well run and that I wasn't the only woman in the room.
28 days. And for the first time in 21 I want to gamble. But I know that's crazy and I don't want to be crazy anymore.