Catching Up
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 – 9:35 A.M. Not very many things have been going on in my life during the past week, so I have not been online very much. This might also be a way of my avoiding looking at my own problems and trying to solve them. Sometimes I feel as though I need a break or else I will go crazier than I already am. There seems to be a truce of sorts between my brother and me. Since receiving his last e-mail in which he denied saying that he was ashamed to be seen with me in public, I have not had any desire to have much contact with him. Doing that has brought a certain amount of peace to my life, which I needed. Last Friday I went to see my doctor again. As it turned out (no surprise here), I have another UTI. Arrangements have now been made for me to see a urologist next Tuesday. My doctor's office is supposedly faxing several copies of lab reports to him this week, and I was told of certain tests that the urologist will be giving me. I am hopeful that he will be able to find something to help me because my own doctor has said that he has become perplexed with my situation. After the examination by my doctor, he had one of his nurses take a specimen from me to see whether I did have a UTI. My doctor likes things done a certain way, and I tried telling the nurse she was doing it wrong, but of course, patients seem to know nothing at all, so she wound up doing it her way and contaminating the specimen in the process. They also took some blood from me for various tests. I got the result of that yesterday and everything turned out well. That did not solve my overall problem, but at least it ruled out a few things. I spent most of the weekend getting a little extra rest, watching a couple of videos, and filling out several medical forms that I will take with me when I see my urologist. Tomorrow afternoon, I am seeing my psychologist, and Thursday I am waiting here for someone from the phone company to come and install another computer modem that will give me a faster DSL connection. Sometime during this week, or next, I need to start writing on my PTSD journal again. I believe that I am nearing the end of what I need to write in it. Since it contains over one hundred journal entries, I really feel a need to bring it to completion.
Replies
I get that way too, Jim. I need to take breaks. I think it\'s part of self care and very wise to do. I can also understand completely why you would need to take one at this time.
I\'m not surprised you haven\'t had any desire to be with your brother. I think he\'s an anchor for you. That is sad to realize. You are incredibly strong emotionally though, Jim. I don\'t think anyone can fully appreciate just how much so. I don\'t think there is a human on earth who would be happy to realize that their sibling is an anchor and they have done all they can to help. At some point you gotta drop it and save yourself. I think it\'s nice to have the freedom to do so.
Faster connection! Woohoo!
I just spent an hour and a half replying to the comments left on my previous entry. Thanks, I imagine, to DS, everything I have written just disappeared into cyberspace. If I rewrite everything, it will probably be later this afternoon or tonight.
Sometimes, if one gets tangled up in an anchor, the only thing left to do is to cut the rope. It may mean losing something, but that cannot always be helped.
\"Sometimes I feel as though I need a break or else I will go crazier than I already am.\"
ABSOLUTELY!
And I second Sam\'s Woohoo!
As to the urologist, you already know what I think.
Hugs and Mojo - and send me some anti-Pearl Sr. goodness, \'k?
Weebs
Thanks for rewriting, Jim. I think you may have just tackled a huge obstacle in fighting your depression by attempting therapy with your brother and coming to the realization that you can only help yourself. Getting to this stage took a wealth of courage and emotional strength.
I hope you are doing okay. I know that when I cut the anchor I had to deal with feelings of guilt and grief. Along with that came a whole lot more room for healthy relationships though. Not to mention all the energy I save now. No more vampires sucking it out.
Maybe your closer ties are going to include a family that is not related to you by blood. :)
I am so glad you have gotten a little peace this week, you SOOO deserve it. Wow, I wish they could find out why you keep getting those UTI\'s those are NO Fun!
Sounds like you are taking care of business on a day to day basis.
Stuff...there seems to always be stuff to do that has to be done...then there is just more stuff showing up to fill in the blank spaces.......
You have been going through a lot lately.
Taking a break sounds like a perfect choice.
Faster dsl sounds way cool.
I wish your doctor could resolve the uti issue.
It sure must be a pain for you.
Spring is coming to a neighborhood near you very soon.