Caring Over-drive ENGAGE!!!!
My mothering trait has gone into overdrive. This is what happens when I take steps to help myself, I start craving to help others and go do that instead. I have no children, I have very few friends now and my boyfriend knows me well enough to tell me to focus on myself and stop worrying about him (although I do, very much!) and honestly I'm really, really feeling the need to take someone under my wing and care for them.
I'm worried about a lot of people on here, and try and help them but this site doesn't seem to run instantly enough to satisfy my overwhelming motheringness, probably due to different time zones - I guess I'm awake and ready to help whilst everyone in need is sleeping. That and all people get here is personality - if I am the type to come on too strong and be too much and too nice people are going to notice. And I am that type... I am what is called needy. But I'm needy in a productive way! I just want to help people, and put all my positive force into it.
Am I wanting to feel needed again? In high-school I was the one who knew all the answers to people's problems and it got to the stage where people started making things up and I'd still help them through their imaginary problems because I'm a shmuck. But I felt needed. I think maybe it gives me control over my actions because I have to think hard about how something would best benefit another individual and it's important because it will effect their life. Maybe someone here needs me. By helping others with similar problems, I'm also giving myself the advice I need.
Currently reading "The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Recovering from Trauma and PTSD" and I think it's teaching me all these skills to care and be compassionate for myself but my serious lack of self-worth is diverting it in to this need to help other people instead. I'm so hopless! haha
I've updated some of my goals too. - I think "learn a healthy sex life" gets a few points because me and my boyfriend have had a few conversations about it now and I've learnt a couple of things from that and I'm thinking how to implement them into altering my feelings around sex and so on. So yay!-The fact I'm even reading this book gives "Get over/accept my past" also gets a couple of points and I'm currently seeing a CBT therapist who may also be referring me for EMDR at some point if I like the sound of it. I'm by no means anywhere near better, but I've made what my dad would call "A good start". Dad is cancer free now by the way! They had to remove the whole prostate but he's all better now!!! Yuss!-"Feel better about myself" is not going anywhere fast but a few days ago, me and my boyfriend spent the day in together and he made me feel like a real woman, like I was attractive. Dare I say... the hottest little thing. :3 When I'm alone or thinking about anything other than what is going on around me (most of the time) I still feel dreadful, but that moment was really important to me and I wanted to document it here.
-"Recover without surgery" is an odd one as I've recently had a small op down there and nothing has got better yet, but whilst I was out he looked at the original issue and he said that it was looking a lot better. Long story short: Initial issue is looking a little better, but the secondary problem was operated on and hasn't improved. :( So I'm still in a lot of pain and I'm feeling very mixed up about it. Don't want to get my hopes up too much. Appointment with the consultant on the 4th August! And CBT to deal with how that goes on the 6th. Boom.
But, GOALS! GOALS EVERYWHERE! :) It's progress, however small.
- Also, I'd recommend that book to anyone dealing with trauma and/or PTSD. I'm not far in yet, and it's one of those books that likes to tell you what the book will help you achieve, but so far it's making sense so it could be worth a go. My CBT therapist lent it to me. :) On the back it says it's US $23.95 but I doubt it's that expensive online. My love goes out to everyone.TSUKIKOSCGxx
I'm worried about a lot of people on here, and try and help them but this site doesn't seem to run instantly enough to satisfy my overwhelming motheringness, probably due to different time zones - I guess I'm awake and ready to help whilst everyone in need is sleeping. That and all people get here is personality - if I am the type to come on too strong and be too much and too nice people are going to notice. And I am that type... I am what is called needy. But I'm needy in a productive way! I just want to help people, and put all my positive force into it.
Am I wanting to feel needed again? In high-school I was the one who knew all the answers to people's problems and it got to the stage where people started making things up and I'd still help them through their imaginary problems because I'm a shmuck. But I felt needed. I think maybe it gives me control over my actions because I have to think hard about how something would best benefit another individual and it's important because it will effect their life. Maybe someone here needs me. By helping others with similar problems, I'm also giving myself the advice I need.
Currently reading "The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Recovering from Trauma and PTSD" and I think it's teaching me all these skills to care and be compassionate for myself but my serious lack of self-worth is diverting it in to this need to help other people instead. I'm so hopless! haha
I've updated some of my goals too. - I think "learn a healthy sex life" gets a few points because me and my boyfriend have had a few conversations about it now and I've learnt a couple of things from that and I'm thinking how to implement them into altering my feelings around sex and so on. So yay!-The fact I'm even reading this book gives "Get over/accept my past" also gets a couple of points and I'm currently seeing a CBT therapist who may also be referring me for EMDR at some point if I like the sound of it. I'm by no means anywhere near better, but I've made what my dad would call "A good start". Dad is cancer free now by the way! They had to remove the whole prostate but he's all better now!!! Yuss!-"Feel better about myself" is not going anywhere fast but a few days ago, me and my boyfriend spent the day in together and he made me feel like a real woman, like I was attractive. Dare I say... the hottest little thing. :3 When I'm alone or thinking about anything other than what is going on around me (most of the time) I still feel dreadful, but that moment was really important to me and I wanted to document it here.
-"Recover without surgery" is an odd one as I've recently had a small op down there and nothing has got better yet, but whilst I was out he looked at the original issue and he said that it was looking a lot better. Long story short: Initial issue is looking a little better, but the secondary problem was operated on and hasn't improved. :( So I'm still in a lot of pain and I'm feeling very mixed up about it. Don't want to get my hopes up too much. Appointment with the consultant on the 4th August! And CBT to deal with how that goes on the 6th. Boom.
But, GOALS! GOALS EVERYWHERE! :) It's progress, however small.
- Also, I'd recommend that book to anyone dealing with trauma and/or PTSD. I'm not far in yet, and it's one of those books that likes to tell you what the book will help you achieve, but so far it's making sense so it could be worth a go. My CBT therapist lent it to me. :) On the back it says it's US $23.95 but I doubt it's that expensive online. My love goes out to everyone.TSUKIKOSCGxx
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