Caregiver Burnout
I am pissed, angry, resentful, self-pitying, feeling used, depressed, and according to the Caregiver Burnout Syndrome, I am where I am supposed to be. Go figure.
My son lost his wife and his child in a car accident. His wife was eight months pregnant. He was driving. He was cited for failure to yield right of way. They were married last September. December 2nd was Kristin's 23 birthday; on December 3rd she was dead, killed instantly. My son had a concussion and multiple contusions. He called me 30 times a day just to get through those first weeks after the accident. And now the State of Florida suspended his driver's license for six months, a mandatory sentence. His blood test was NEGATIVE for drugs and alcohol. He works 22 miles from home. We have to drive him to work. Count it: 88 miles per day. Leave at 4:30 am get home 6:30 am. Get home from picking him up 9 pm, a three hour trip due to crazy busy traffic.
My husband is in the last stages of COPD, emphysema. He struggles for air. He has been in bed for most of the day and night for three weeks now. He can do errands and even works two days a week for four hours each. I am alone a lot.
Our friend of thirty years has end stage cirrhosis of the liver, HIV positive and Hepatitis C positive. He lives with us. He has Hospice services, but I am the primary caregiver. He has always been somewhat of a prick, and his illness has made him worse. He is mentally unstable and has the tendency to bite the hand that feeds him...
My father has had several strokes, is a cancer survivor and has developed a lesion in his brain. He is unsteady and nearly falls several times a day. He lived with us through his cancer battles and moved to his own place a few months ago. He is fiercely independant and refuses to move back with us. I got him a life alert system and he threw a huge fit.
WTF, taking on more than I can handle is something I do regularly. I don't know how to be any different. I don't have time for myself. I feel selfish for feeling that way.
On top of it all, I have clinical depression, panic disorder and health problems. I am agoraphobic and seem to be recovering from it. I am a recovering alcoholic and have 30 years of continuous sobriety. I am exhausted. I am feeling so alone. I do not have any close friends except for some very good internet/phone friends. My best friend of 34 years has gone off the deep end in a love triangle.
The first thing to do is to make a gratitude list. I have many blessings. Unloading this stuff has helped me to clear the way for better days for me. I know I need a break at least twice a day. Even going to the porch or back yard helps. I would like to cultivate some new friendships, but I am not a very good friend in that I seem to not want to go out or make time to be a good friend.
I welcome any feedback. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I know I am dumping a load here and appologize for it.
My son lost his wife and his child in a car accident. His wife was eight months pregnant. He was driving. He was cited for failure to yield right of way. They were married last September. December 2nd was Kristin's 23 birthday; on December 3rd she was dead, killed instantly. My son had a concussion and multiple contusions. He called me 30 times a day just to get through those first weeks after the accident. And now the State of Florida suspended his driver's license for six months, a mandatory sentence. His blood test was NEGATIVE for drugs and alcohol. He works 22 miles from home. We have to drive him to work. Count it: 88 miles per day. Leave at 4:30 am get home 6:30 am. Get home from picking him up 9 pm, a three hour trip due to crazy busy traffic.
My husband is in the last stages of COPD, emphysema. He struggles for air. He has been in bed for most of the day and night for three weeks now. He can do errands and even works two days a week for four hours each. I am alone a lot.
Our friend of thirty years has end stage cirrhosis of the liver, HIV positive and Hepatitis C positive. He lives with us. He has Hospice services, but I am the primary caregiver. He has always been somewhat of a prick, and his illness has made him worse. He is mentally unstable and has the tendency to bite the hand that feeds him...
My father has had several strokes, is a cancer survivor and has developed a lesion in his brain. He is unsteady and nearly falls several times a day. He lived with us through his cancer battles and moved to his own place a few months ago. He is fiercely independant and refuses to move back with us. I got him a life alert system and he threw a huge fit.
WTF, taking on more than I can handle is something I do regularly. I don't know how to be any different. I don't have time for myself. I feel selfish for feeling that way.
On top of it all, I have clinical depression, panic disorder and health problems. I am agoraphobic and seem to be recovering from it. I am a recovering alcoholic and have 30 years of continuous sobriety. I am exhausted. I am feeling so alone. I do not have any close friends except for some very good internet/phone friends. My best friend of 34 years has gone off the deep end in a love triangle.
The first thing to do is to make a gratitude list. I have many blessings. Unloading this stuff has helped me to clear the way for better days for me. I know I need a break at least twice a day. Even going to the porch or back yard helps. I would like to cultivate some new friendships, but I am not a very good friend in that I seem to not want to go out or make time to be a good friend.
I welcome any feedback. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I know I am dumping a load here and appologize for it.
Replies
Patrick is also HIV+? Why did I not know that....oh well...Ok so things are wild and crazy right now...U have sober life of care giving that is out of this world...Getting to sons job sux....time involved in that is criminal...make him move closer to work so he can get there easier without assistance....like a bike or cab...it must be costing you a fortune in gas.....I will pray for all those in your life who are soon not going to be here on Earth....It is going to be tough for you to get thru....hugs and prayers billwfriend
We go to a hearing next tuesday to find out if son can get a hardship license. Gas is 3.50/gal for the cheap crap. You are a good friend and I appreciate your support.
Susie what a tragic event so very sad. Your life as a caregiver is much like mine. I am a nurse as well. I went back to school at age 34 and graduated nursing school the same year my older son graduated high school. Seven months later my hubby had an auto accident that ended up with him a paraplegic. I have been caregiver for my father, mother, brother, sister-in-law who I was with at the time of all their deaths. I saw my mom through chemo for a few years and she died in our home. My sister-in-law also had chemo for over a year and I cared for her in her home until she passed away running back and forth between her home and mine. My hubby was diagnosed with dementia in 2009 even though he has been having problems since 2004. I truly do understand how you are feeling. This is a great support group where you can vent without being judged. Hang in there.......Hugs and prayers.....Jeanmarie
Caregiving gave me a sense of worth... of value... it always made me feel needed but sadly never \"wanted.\"
Congrats on your long term sobriety, I have 16 years and AA has taught me that I\'m not good to others unless I am good to myself... as an ACOA/ACA I also recognize that when I want time alone or away from caregiving I would be filled with guilt thinking I didn\'t deserve it...
Last year, I threw in the towel for caregiving with my wife... I moved out and found myself again... it got to the point that I prayed every night that I would die in my sleep... my Higher Power didn\'t want me to live life like that...
It was time for me to realize that my life also had value and worth and I needed to start being a care giver to myself...
In my thoughts and prayers,
Dave