Caregiver Burnout
I am pissed, angry, resentful, self-pitying, feeling used, depressed, and according to the Caregiver Burnout Syndrome, I am where I am supposed to be. Go figure.
My son lost his wife and his child in a car accident. His wife was eight months pregnant. He was driving. He was cited for failure to yield right of way. They were married last September. December 2nd was Kristin's 23 birthday; on December 3rd she was dead, killed instantly. My son had a concussion and multiple contusions. He called me 30 times a day just to get through those first weeks after the accident. And now the State of Florida suspended his driver's license for six months, a mandatory sentence. His blood test was NEGATIVE for drugs and alcohol. He works 22 miles from home. We have to drive him to work. Count it: 88 miles per day. Leave at 4:30 am get home 6:30 am. Get home from picking him up 9 pm, a three hour trip due to crazy busy traffic.
My husband is in the last stages of COPD, emphysema. He struggles for air. He has been in bed for most of the day and night for three weeks now. He can do errands and even works two days a week for four hours each. I am alone a lot.
Our friend of thirty years has end stage cirrhosis of the liver, HIV positive and Hepatitis C positive. He lives with us. He has Hospice services, but I am the primary caregiver. He has always been somewhat of a prick, and his illness has made him worse. He is mentally unstable and has the tendency to bite the hand that feeds him...
My father has had several strokes, is a cancer survivor and has developed a lesion in his brain. He is unsteady and nearly falls several times a day. He lived with us through his cancer battles and moved to his own place a few months ago. He is fiercely independant and refuses to move back with us. I got him a life alert system and he threw a huge fit.
WTF, taking on more than I can handle is something I do regularly. I don't know how to be any different. I don't have time for myself. I feel selfish for feeling that way.
On top of it all, I have clinical depression, panic disorder and health problems. I am agoraphobic and seem to be recovering from it. I am a recovering alcoholic and have 30 years of continuous sobriety. I am exhausted. I am feeling so alone. I do not have any close friends except for some very good internet/phone friends. My best friend of 34 years has gone off the deep end in a love triangle.
The first thing to do is to make a gratitude list. I have many blessings. Unloading this stuff has helped me to clear the way for better days for me. I know I need a break at least twice a day. Even going to the porch or back yard helps. I would like to cultivate some new friendships, but I am not a very good friend in that I seem to not want to go out or make time to be a good friend.
I welcome any feedback. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I know I am dumping a load here and appologize for it.
My son lost his wife and his child in a car accident. His wife was eight months pregnant. He was driving. He was cited for failure to yield right of way. They were married last September. December 2nd was Kristin's 23 birthday; on December 3rd she was dead, killed instantly. My son had a concussion and multiple contusions. He called me 30 times a day just to get through those first weeks after the accident. And now the State of Florida suspended his driver's license for six months, a mandatory sentence. His blood test was NEGATIVE for drugs and alcohol. He works 22 miles from home. We have to drive him to work. Count it: 88 miles per day. Leave at 4:30 am get home 6:30 am. Get home from picking him up 9 pm, a three hour trip due to crazy busy traffic.
My husband is in the last stages of COPD, emphysema. He struggles for air. He has been in bed for most of the day and night for three weeks now. He can do errands and even works two days a week for four hours each. I am alone a lot.
Our friend of thirty years has end stage cirrhosis of the liver, HIV positive and Hepatitis C positive. He lives with us. He has Hospice services, but I am the primary caregiver. He has always been somewhat of a prick, and his illness has made him worse. He is mentally unstable and has the tendency to bite the hand that feeds him...
My father has had several strokes, is a cancer survivor and has developed a lesion in his brain. He is unsteady and nearly falls several times a day. He lived with us through his cancer battles and moved to his own place a few months ago. He is fiercely independant and refuses to move back with us. I got him a life alert system and he threw a huge fit.
WTF, taking on more than I can handle is something I do regularly. I don't know how to be any different. I don't have time for myself. I feel selfish for feeling that way.
On top of it all, I have clinical depression, panic disorder and health problems. I am agoraphobic and seem to be recovering from it. I am a recovering alcoholic and have 30 years of continuous sobriety. I am exhausted. I am feeling so alone. I do not have any close friends except for some very good internet/phone friends. My best friend of 34 years has gone off the deep end in a love triangle.
The first thing to do is to make a gratitude list. I have many blessings. Unloading this stuff has helped me to clear the way for better days for me. I know I need a break at least twice a day. Even going to the porch or back yard helps. I would like to cultivate some new friendships, but I am not a very good friend in that I seem to not want to go out or make time to be a good friend.
I welcome any feedback. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I know I am dumping a load here and appologize for it.
Replies