Cara Visited Her Grandmother

Good Morning, I wanted to share a poem that was written by my paternal grandmother Pearl Emily Brown titled, "My Mother" that I read at my mother's funeral... My grandmother wrote it when she was away at school... I believe in 1927, and she wrote a letter that accompanied the poem to her mother... anyway I can't find my copy... I have it here on the computer but I don't know how to access it.... Sometimes ignorance is so frustrating... Anyway I will get some help from my husband in the next few days and I will copy the poem and letter to my journal and send you a copy... I think it will touch your heart and perhaps help in a small way. A line I remember so well goes, "My joys her joys, My cares her cares." Now we know that is how mothers feel but I keep that in my heart and I know mom would want me to live and laugh and love and I do. Yes my mother died in April of this year, and just like all the other deaths in my family in recent years its like a photo of me is being ripped apart one piece at a time... I go on, don't we all, but still our thoughts and our hearts go back in time and we hurt anew... its ok... we love and we mourn... In this last month and a half I've wondered often if mom didn't die when she did so she could go home to Jesus and be there waiting for when my daughter would join her to welcome her... My daughter Cara was named after her grandmother, my mother and she were very close. With all the things Cara was doing, all the ways she was messing up on March 18, 2006 she walked and hitchhiked about 30 miles to go see her grandmother... She walked most of the way... her feet torn and bloody she lay down by her grandmother... her grandmother held her and they shared the love they had shared all those years... Some people will say my mom was wrong... I can not... Cara was suffering badly from withdrawal symptoms and my mother couldn't stand her pain... she told Cara to take the money in her purse and to go to the store next to the hospital and get a small bottle of rum... to come back and stay with her awhile... and that's what my daughter did... some people will say that's the only reason my daughter walked to Thibodaux from Bayou L'ourse but I know that's not so... Still I won't spend a lot of time worrying about what others think... Mom told me about Cara's visit and what she'd done. She was worried that I'd be upset with her but I was not. I know how mom felt and that she loved her granddaughter as much as I did. I have tried to nurse Cara by doling out shots because I was told by a nurse at the hospital that she could go into shock and die if she tried to quit cold turkey... Anyway late on March 18th, 2006 they took mom to Ochsner Hospital in New Orleans. Cara made it to see her grandmother one more time on April 21, 2006. Mom died the next morning. My brother and I were there to hold her as she took her last shuddering breaths and as much as it hurts to let her go I'm glad she doesn't hurt anymore. I'm glad that she's there to hold my daughter since I can't. Am I wrong to say I'm glad... again I can't worry about what other people think... I just know that I find comfort where I can... As usual I will be copying this to my journal. It allows me to share my thoughts with anyone who cares to read. I do apologize if my friends think my communications should be one on one... I do read your letters and my heart is moved... Sometimes I try not to comment on what I read because I know we all have to find our own ways. Sometimes the control freak in me takes over and I do make comments... I do apologize if I ever hurt you or anyone. That is definitely not my intent. I'm not trying to make you cry, but you know you're going to cry as am I... so you might as well drop a few for my mom and daughter too. Hugs Cara's Mom Elissa