CAR WRECK!!!

holy shit. i got in a car accident with my baby!!! i looked away for a second, and people were stopped for the light, it was a long line... i dont remember seeing brake lights, i think they had started to move, i rear ended a car and pushed it into another.... i was so scared. my back seat unlatched and threw the baby foreward to almost the front seat. she is ok. i am ok. but what the fuck is wrong with me? how could i let that happen!!!??? what if something would have happened to her!!! i couldnt ever live with that. not ever. not after all we been through to get her here. will there ever come a time where im not living day by day? minute by minute? ODAAT? trying to rebuild my life? why is it when i finally start to be happy something happens? im so happy she is ok. but now what? i got a 200 dollar ticket, a wreck, and no car, and no money. im scared. things were going so good. i feel like a horrible mom. like i cant take care of her. like i dont deserve her. im so exhausted. and im upset. what do i do now? where do i go from here? oh hell. its funny how i ever got involved with gambling to begin with, me and my awful luck. but we are ok at least. the first person i called was my "friend" after 911. i was meeting him for lunch. i wanted him there. then i called my step mom. i still went out to lunch after it happened. i was scared to just go home and sit. he drove me home and i let him hug me. you know, i would say this is all too much. but after what i been through this last year, im so used to the pain and panic that the most prominent emotion i feel right now is, sick and tired. when will it end? when can i be happy and JUST be happy? can i have a period of rest? of peace in my life? what did i do wrong now?