Car time
Have you noticed how vulnerable you are in the car? Your head can be a million miles away. Not safe, is it. We don't want to put other people at risk out there, for goodness sakes... especially since we so sadly know how devastating it is when one precious life is taken.
So I just drove 4 hours, Maine to Cape Cod. I thought about Andy intermittently on the drive. How much he suffered... the pain of the cancer and the anguish of the diagnosis. It's hard to let go of the feeling of being haunted by his suffering. : ( I know you know what I mean, so I feel safe saying it here. Poor poor Andy. I'll tell you more sometime about how brave he was. IT blows my mind. (You can also read about in our caringbridge website.)
Family wedding this weekend. I'll have lots of time to myself and lots of time with family. It will be so painfully obvious that Andy is not here with all his cousins. Everyone is really nice about it but I know it's the first of sooo many family events where he will be missed.
To tell you the truth I think he would have hated this over-the-top insanely fancy wedding, and might have either come and rained on their parade or chosen to stay home. THat helps a tiny bit, lol. I will look at the whole thing with Andy eyes.
Now I'm going to take a little nap because I didn't sleep well and even felt (shhhh) a tiny bit drowsy on the road. More hazard. That's what chocolate is for, right?
So I just drove 4 hours, Maine to Cape Cod. I thought about Andy intermittently on the drive. How much he suffered... the pain of the cancer and the anguish of the diagnosis. It's hard to let go of the feeling of being haunted by his suffering. : ( I know you know what I mean, so I feel safe saying it here. Poor poor Andy. I'll tell you more sometime about how brave he was. IT blows my mind. (You can also read about in our caringbridge website.)
Family wedding this weekend. I'll have lots of time to myself and lots of time with family. It will be so painfully obvious that Andy is not here with all his cousins. Everyone is really nice about it but I know it's the first of sooo many family events where he will be missed.
To tell you the truth I think he would have hated this over-the-top insanely fancy wedding, and might have either come and rained on their parade or chosen to stay home. THat helps a tiny bit, lol. I will look at the whole thing with Andy eyes.
Now I'm going to take a little nap because I didn't sleep well and even felt (shhhh) a tiny bit drowsy on the road. More hazard. That's what chocolate is for, right?
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