cant take this...

it has offically been almost 9 months since he broke up with me ... i moved out so why  cant i get over this why cant i acccept that me and him are never going to get back together ever? why is that seem sooo fucken hard to tellmyself instead i let him use me for money i let him hurt my heart more taht it has ever been hurt ... i jsut dont get why i would let myself go thru something like this why its not fair .... i jsut cant do this .... i am sooo fucekn stupid ... why do i still love someone who has a g irlfrined ... he is dating again so why shouldnt i? ... why am i soooo stupid tha t i let myself do this i give and give andhe takes and takes ..... with no regard to how i feel or anyhtingi mean he doesnt even find mr attractive anymore ... i shaved my head because of him whta more could i go thru? and the fact atha he sleeps with me but has  girllfrined who apparently thinnks he is amazing ....but im the one paying and suffering ... why do i do that to myself ....why would i let some one treat me like taht ... over and over for months ... wtf the fuck i wrong with meeeee.......i just want to dieee