cant shut head off

some days i feel like im such a sick fuck. i drive myself crazy. i just wanna be normal and have love and not loose my damn mind. i cant handle games and not straight up honesty. life would be so much more easier if everyones heads worked the same just not as mine does. i dont want higher antidepressants but some days im so messed up. when i care for someone i like contact a two minute hello a good night. why do i loose it when cant have it. bad enough can see person one or two days a week but i freaking loose it when have something in my head and plans change cause i look forward to together time. i hate myself today. im a good loving and caring and passionate person that feels like im loosing my god damn mind.