Canooing The Rapids.

No answers folks, just, hopefully, understanding. I know it helps me to articulate stages between my hi's and lows...so here I go...once my symptoms just took hold and the consequences were...well you know...they just were and I had no name for them...at least now...I get a bit of cognition when they take a dive up or down. Alert...feels really good when I can say to myself 'feeling alert' has not crossed the line into 'hyper-manic.' I couldn't do that earlier in my life. This style of self talk has been under development in me and is still helping me daily through my own various phases. However, unusual or abrupt or unexpected negative events cause my fears to hyper-fire my symptoms. I'm sure you know about this. Then, I have to work to calm myself. Once upon a time this was not possible for me and I leapt into the flame, suicidal. The same now, with the low...I can acknowledge the difference between 'quiet confidence' and the line that senses depression trying to take hold and with practice I can now consciously refuse it. But depression is sneaky, it hides, then strikes, a drift in a canoe, all of a sudden I realize I've drifted into deep water. As to obsession; I pretty much know now when I'm obsessing on the computer too. Once I could not. When performing other repetitive potentially dangerous actions, to know that I'm caught in the current is a good feeling. and a free feeling to realize it's OK to let go, change gear and then to actually be able to do it. I find this forum and what you've all said here very supportive to me. so, thank you. To speak of my own calibrations on this topic Thank you for listening. Sending hugs, Be well.