Can’t wait for tomorrow

It was a crazy week at work. Did six straight days a food 12-14 hours a day. Just got almost everything finished and am looking forward to having a day off. That was last weekend too though. And sure enough got called into work. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t been able to speak to my cousin. He calls multiple times every day to ask for money. And always at the wrong time when I’m on a ladder or have a wrench in my hand. I’m trying to save money by doing the work myself. I did a multi thousand dollar job and all to save money and now I’m going to get chewed out for not answering the damn phone. He sits there waiting for the mail to get his check and I’m here breaking my butt doing stuff. I put all my time into work. I missed my kids plays basketball games, college advisor meetings. I even almost missed his HS graduation but was able to make it right as the doors opened up. All my cousins. Who went to Italy for a month, who’s building a house. Which is fine I’m not jealous. My idea of a vacation is just turning my phone off for a day and not getting bothered by work. I can’t do that but it’s all I really want. I want to be left alone. They all ran away to other states and left me here holding the bag. Fine, just realize that you did. I can just hear it now. And cause they do nothing they think I do nothing. I’m just venting now so I don’t tell him off when I talk to him tomorrow cause I’m close. Sell your house that grandma bought you and move back here and handle everything. I’ll sit by the mailbox waiting for a check. Things are messed up and I’m trying to hold it all together, all on top of my health. Diabetes, high blood pressure, glaucoma, herniated discs in my lower back. Single parent with no help from the mother. Taking care of my mother who’s not doing well. I have this damn cough I can’t get rid off plus my depression and anxiety. The only good thing is im too exhausted to get anxious. My brain say hey it’s anxiety time and my body says give it your best shot but make it count cause I only have a minute for you. This probably should of been a journal entry. I think I might just copy and paste it there instead. I feel like I’m babbling now. Plus I think I’m getting a little bipolar/manic depressive. Either that or it’s small breaks in the depression that I’m not used to. Made it 38 years before my first panic attack. I never used to be like this. I was fun and out going. I could talk to anyone, was always making new acquaintances. Now I go from bed to work and back to bed. No friends no fun no hobbies no joy.