Can't take it

I so badly want to lie, i hate liars yet i want to lie so much, my body feels heavy and i can't move it, i'm slouching so much always looking down i don't feel good about myself, who am i? what am i? what in gods name was i meant to do? because i still have no idea... sigh i'm really depressed and stressed at the moment i can't take it, my body aches so badly i feel like crying.
I hate crying i always thought crying is worthless, i don't want to pity nor seen as week, I've lost all energy to wake up in the mornings i still haven't found the reason to get up even though its right there in front of me, am i worthless or just naive? i must sound pathetic right now, i know i know i'm an ugly bitch people always say that behind my back or even pretend to be friends with me and use me and act like i was the asshole, yeah right... life will always be a mystery there is no doubt about it, i'm always concerned about her that i can no longer focus, my mind is blank i cant do it.  
I don't want to blame you or hurt you but right now you're really pissing me off RM i seriously wanna slap you in the face, you hide away in your bedroom and never come to school?! are f**king serious?! come on! there are people starving EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!! I want to scream at your face! i do everything for you and you shove it in my face, you won't tell you mother because your scared at getting yelled at?! 

That's it I've completely had it with life! it sucks! and i don't want to be in it, i don't know what to do i'm trapped in this reality and i just wan't to dream, dreaming was...is..so much better... I don't want to sound rude but i hate everything at the moment, everything is annoying me, i don't want to eat anything i'm always feeling sick, i'm anxious i don't wan't to go that far, i can't do this myself, i'm gasping for air, i don't know what to do, i'm so lost what did i do wrong?! WHAT?! WHAT DID I DO WRONG!? I'm screaming please someone... please...please..help me please... i wan't to... i wan't... i want to let it all go...please, i'm not asking for attention, i'm asking for love. I don't want this pain, it hurts to much please i'm screaming it out to you!!! PLEASE JUST F**KING HELP ME!!!
I'm crying please, it hurts so bad, just...help me...I can't take it anymore...can't take it...