Can't stop freaking out.
It's the same every day. I'm just freaking out. Whether I'm sitting here or doing stuff or what I can't stop thinking about how much I would just like to get on with it and start a new life somewhere else without these stupid problems.
But i have no money, crap for furniture, living in a disaster of a house, with gosh darn it people that don't seem to even like me very much
How are you supposed to like yourself when the people you live with and associate with don't seem to like you?
I just can't shut off my mind.
I need some peace!
I've been spending most of my days going through my belongings - all of my belongings to determine if I really want to keep them. The answer is usually no.
I used to crochet and sew. That was part of what I was going to do as a "business", I was going to sell crafts and quilts. I actually did sell some. But somewhere along the line I figured out that I would have to sit there and do nothing else for 16 hours per day every day in order to make enough to starve.
Even quilting, which would go faster than crocheting, would take too long to be profitable enough to support me, would work out the same. So, I started making candles, because you could actually produce enough candles that, if you could sell them, could generate sufficient income, could support me.
The problem is, how can you actually sell them? When I opened the shop, I realized that if I made the candles and didn't sell them before they soured, the supplies would have been wasted, and the money spent on those supplies wasted. Well, that's what did happen, because the location of the shop is lousy, and it failed miserably.
Even attending craft shows bombed, because I twice hauled the product to the show, set up and paid the fee for the table, and failed to sell enough product to cover the cost of the table, yet had to cover the additional cost of feeding the girl and the brother during the show.
All of it discouraged me so deeply that I have craft supplies moldering around reminding me of my failures and it is all going into the dumpster at the "reclaimstion center" for the town.
I'm also going to bring all the ruined furniture there, as soon as I can figure out a way to transport it there. What is still good I'm going to try to sell, leaving me with alot less to transport when I leave here.
When we moved here, we were moving 2 apartments with 3 bedrooms each plus extras, each packed with near hoarder level materials. It cost us nearly $7K to move here, and I'm not going to have anything near that amount available to move back with.
By the time I leave here, I'll have little more than what is going to fit in my car. I've been thinking of getting a trailer hitch attached to my car and getting a utility trailer, and working to whittle down my belongings to just what will fit into that.
Before, I couldn't wait for it to get dark, because then I could stop working. Even the work that was inside. Now, I dread the fall of darkness, because I have to stop, and there is so much to do.
I just wish that my brother would start clearing his stuff out of my way, because he has not yet begun to remove anything from where it is and it is in the way. It has always been in the way.
But i have no money, crap for furniture, living in a disaster of a house, with gosh darn it people that don't seem to even like me very much
How are you supposed to like yourself when the people you live with and associate with don't seem to like you?
I just can't shut off my mind.
I need some peace!
I've been spending most of my days going through my belongings - all of my belongings to determine if I really want to keep them. The answer is usually no.
I used to crochet and sew. That was part of what I was going to do as a "business", I was going to sell crafts and quilts. I actually did sell some. But somewhere along the line I figured out that I would have to sit there and do nothing else for 16 hours per day every day in order to make enough to starve.
Even quilting, which would go faster than crocheting, would take too long to be profitable enough to support me, would work out the same. So, I started making candles, because you could actually produce enough candles that, if you could sell them, could generate sufficient income, could support me.
The problem is, how can you actually sell them? When I opened the shop, I realized that if I made the candles and didn't sell them before they soured, the supplies would have been wasted, and the money spent on those supplies wasted. Well, that's what did happen, because the location of the shop is lousy, and it failed miserably.
Even attending craft shows bombed, because I twice hauled the product to the show, set up and paid the fee for the table, and failed to sell enough product to cover the cost of the table, yet had to cover the additional cost of feeding the girl and the brother during the show.
All of it discouraged me so deeply that I have craft supplies moldering around reminding me of my failures and it is all going into the dumpster at the "reclaimstion center" for the town.
I'm also going to bring all the ruined furniture there, as soon as I can figure out a way to transport it there. What is still good I'm going to try to sell, leaving me with alot less to transport when I leave here.
When we moved here, we were moving 2 apartments with 3 bedrooms each plus extras, each packed with near hoarder level materials. It cost us nearly $7K to move here, and I'm not going to have anything near that amount available to move back with.
By the time I leave here, I'll have little more than what is going to fit in my car. I've been thinking of getting a trailer hitch attached to my car and getting a utility trailer, and working to whittle down my belongings to just what will fit into that.
Before, I couldn't wait for it to get dark, because then I could stop working. Even the work that was inside. Now, I dread the fall of darkness, because I have to stop, and there is so much to do.
I just wish that my brother would start clearing his stuff out of my way, because he has not yet begun to remove anything from where it is and it is in the way. It has always been in the way.
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