Can't stop crying/there isn't any answeres out there for me.

I  am really depressed today and can't stop crying. I can't stop thinking about my children and how Im not there with them for Christmas. And I can't stop thinking about how my x and his mistress are rasing MY children together. I need to get a lawyeer so bad so I can get the divorce going and ask for alimony sive I have literally been homeless and it being his fault. He has a bunch of money but won't help me and wont even let me see my kids anymore because his mistress is now living with him. I need to get visitaion going and my custody back but I HAVE NO MONEY AT ALL to start that process. I have been trying to get a job despite my disbilities but no one is calling me for an interview yet and its been over a year. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that I can't take this kind of pain and suffering in my life anymore. I have no one to talk to in my family and I have no friends and no one can help me anyway. There is no reason for me to even be here anymore.