Can't Stop Crying
I feel so very sad and empty. Going to my son's for Thanksgiving. Not having everyone at my home is both gratifying and terribly sad. Clyde and I so enjoyed getting things ready for family gatherings. Just about every thought is bringing me to my knees these past few days. I am feeling as though I will never get a handle on this sadness. I know my family does not truly understand the pain and want me to be happy so I don't (really) show them my pain, this in itself is stressful. I want the holidays to be over. God, I thought I would be doing better than this by now.
Replies
My heart aches for you - because \"sad and empty\" basically describes those first months of widowhood. Until you get past all the \"firsts\" - birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc. - each one will be a dreaded day. These are your first holidays without Clyde; These are my 3rd w/o Frank. I can\'t say they are \"great\" but I am thankful I feel better. If you can hide your pain from the family, that\'s good; the children & others who have not experienced loss of a spouse have no clue how we feel. I feel I need to focus on what I DO HAVE now -- adult children & their families to be with etc. An invitation to my son\'s in-laws for TG Day. We eventually reach acceptance of our situation, and that does help. I know that there will always be a \"hole\" in my heart and life, but I want to make the best of my life now. I know you do too. God will help us through this - He is faithful.
Blessings,
Doye
Lindanne,
I could have written this journal. I too feel sad and empty. I cry all the time. My oldest son spoke to my youngest last night and asked how I was doing. I heard my 16 year old say \"oh, she\'s just fine. Nope, not upset.\".. I don\'t know if that\'s a good thing or not. He is at school all day so he doesn\'t see me crying, curling up on the bed or screaming into the pillow. I try to hide my pain from him so that he can be 16... you know?
I don\'t know how I\'m going to survive any of these firsts, Thanksgiving, Xmas, his birthday, our anniversary, any of it.
I pray for peace and comfort for both of us. For all of us.
Blessings,
Linda
Lindanne,
Sorry hear you are still having such a rough time. It seems my anxiety level has increaed as well. There are too many sad memories for this time of year for me. This time last year I had taken Janelle to M.D. Anderson Hospital in Houston, only to be told there was very little hope. What a great message to recieve in the middle of the holiday season! I am sure the holidays are also adding to our grief. Like you I yearn for the holidays to be over. Then, February 2nd will the the 1 year anniversary of her death. The next 4 months are not going to be easy for me. I pray God provides you with some peace and comfort.
Eddie
Thank you all my DS friends. You are a blessing.
Lindanne,
these first holidays for us all, is just the toughest road block towards any type of clarity. all the traditions of our lives has vanished and it is so painful. but i try everyday to remeber what the holidays stand for, and that is so much bigger then the meal or the gifts. please know that we are all going through this together and all with hopes of a glimmer of happiness. lets all try to find one wonderful moment on thanksgiving that we can race back to ds to talk about on friday!!
i will do my best to help you in any small way that i can. i\'ll start with a prayer for you tonight for strength and a smile!
hugs
judi