Can't Stop Crying

I feel so very sad and empty.  Going to my son's for Thanksgiving.  Not having everyone at my home is both gratifying and terribly sad.  Clyde and I so enjoyed getting things ready for family gatherings.  Just about every thought is bringing me to my knees these past few days.  I am feeling as though I will never get a handle on this sadness.  I know my family does not truly understand the pain and want me to be happy so I don't (really) show them my pain, this in itself is stressful.  I want the holidays to be over.  God, I thought I would be doing better than this by now.