Can't sleep

 I can't sleep  I woke up thinking I got to make a grocery list,got to order the food nd have them deliver it. I got to get up with my kids get them on to the computers  to do their school  always sketchy at best becasue they both hate school   to explain about my son first -My son who has autisim/aspergers and  what schools call a functioning  Autisim  teen .  he hates school because  he had been bullied in school at a young age by kids and the teacher who did nothing to help him not surprising  to hear that. what was surprising was he never told me about it till he was out of that particular school. why he didnt tell me about it sooner?  I feel like I failed him as a parent . I keep thinking back  to when that happen  was I to sharp with him,was I ignortant? why did he feel like he couldnt talk to me about it.  we use to be close now  he is taller then  I {I swere I feel like I am shrinking] and  is seventeen now and he just seems lost and were not close.  I try to pull him in to get close to him but half the time he just wants to stay in his room watching youtube and play roblox  he is highly antisocial. I can relate but  I wish we could be closer. The thing is he has these strange burst of talking to himelf cussing about someone or something and it  gets so bad that I have to remind him  to talk to me about it. He takes  some anitpsychotic pills but  I seriously don't think they work. his therapy sessions  just seem like crap. I know it is suppose to help him the doctor  tells him to write in a journal,which I have to force him to do because  he just don't like to write he prefers to type on computer but  still he doesnt write  how he feels just different short bad stories of tales he has in his head. the doctor  also suggest  to him to write helpful quotes  and put them  on the mirror and recite them mso he feels better. It is called ...Its 3:38 am and I can't think of what this type of therapy is called but it involves changing your mind set to reprogram your thoughts and therby changing your actions then your life. I have to get him to do that because I am willing to try anything. which we didn't have this stupid  pandemic so I can get him  to see  his doctor in person through the zoom meeting is just so laid back and  seems to me not very helpful. I wish I can get him to go to a autisim help group but again it all has to be done over the internet  and  that is so frustrating. I wish I could get the therapy he was getting as we but at this point in my life  I make to little money to pay for it,and i make to much money according to the goverment  to get the therapy some what free. dam if i do dam if i dont. My daughter whose nine  hates school  as well but for different reasons, First of all the way they have her school set up she sees the teacher mostly in the morning via camera and microphone and as she goes through the class  the teacher is one going to fast with the questions and two  half the time yelling at the class to sit up,pay attention  she  can see the students  via camera doing all manner of things from sleeping  leaving the  class to play video games somewhere else,or just plain not understanding how the pdf files  work to turn in the homework and the teacher expects everyone to either have a fax machine or have your parents  fax  the homework in  really?? Plus my daughter is the exact opposite of my son a social butterfly she thrives on freindship and talking to her class mates going to pe with them and  just  interacting. she would rather go to school thn do it on computer. I am afraid  with all the cases of covid that she would  get it  and I would regret that  so digital learning it is. today in this day and age  everything is so difficult as it is why must they make school just as difficult I mean for gods sake  can't at least  one thing be simple. and don't even get me started on this common core  bull shit that openes a whole new can of worms. so that is my thoughts at   now almos four am in the morning  I need sleep  I wish I can go to sleep and everything was  back to some kind of normalcy. Better yet I wish schools wuld revert back to reading writing arithmetic and possible history and nothing more   something normal sigh.........