Can't sleep :(
I can't sleep. I'm tired enough and all, but I just have so much running through my head at the moment. Stupid, little, insignificant things that can wait till the morning but have decided to plague me now.
Some good things happened today (well yesterday now), and some bad things too. One of the people who I've probably grown the closest to is leaving to pursue another job. I'm happy for her, but I'm going to miss her Amy-isms. It just won't be the same without her cheerful demeanor. Also after talking with her I asked if it was okay if I applied for her position. She was fine with it, but I didn't get the job anyway because I don't have the preferred qualifications. But I think I left a good impression with the management team, because I showed my willingness to train and well, whatever it takes pretty much to be an asset to the company.
Amy had a really hard day because her great grandmother is sick and it's just really hard on her and her mum. Poor girl was in tears today. Although I'm not a huggy person I had to hug her. She's just such a lovely young girl, and I wish her all the best.
Through the day Andrew and I got to talking. Andrew is another person I work with, and Amy is really trying diligently to set us up, lol. Andrew's a great guy but we don't share the same moral values, so yeah. I don't see anything happening there. I feel a great deal of friendship, but nothing romantic. I've never really felt romantic about anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even able to love or if I've just put my walls up so high that it's an impossibility. But anyways, I think Andrew and I are going to the movies tonight. I'm not sure, and it's not a date. It's just 2 friends going to see a movie. I just hope he doesn't think it's a date. I mean, I don't think it was, but I really have zero experience in the dating area so maybe it'll be misinterpreted.
Basically the conversation went like this: Andrew: Did you do that research I asked you to? Me: What research? Andrew: I asked you to find out about movies playing. Me: Oh... No... *looks online* There's a horror movie called Devil about a bunch of people who get stranded in an elevator and the devil is among them. Andrew: Oooh, that one intrigues me. I'll go to it. When's it on? Me: 9pm... Its one and only timeslot for every night this week. Must be to keep the kiddies out. You'll have to tell me if it's any good. Andrew: Well, did you wanna see it? Me: I wouldn't mind seeing it. I love horror movies. Andrew: So you wanna go then? Me: Yeah, okay.
...Awesome, I probably accepted my first date without even realising it. Great going, Lauren -_-; Total genius. I would like to add that I was very nonchalant through the whole process. I didn't really think much of it at the time cause I was busy doing work, and my thoughts were all over. Awesome, more stress. I'm fortunate that I've explained my morals very thoroughly. And I won't cave with those morals, so as long as I remain strong I'll be fine.
Wow, people who read this must think I'm really stupid and stress way too much. It's just that I think forward to that moment where I've got to explain "Hey, I'm just not interested" and it scares the hell out of me cause I hate hurting people. I've avoided situations like this for that very reason. To avoid hurting others.
On a sidenote I stopped at a petrol station tonight and I had the intention of asking the guy out behind the register. Last time we spoke I felt a connection with the guy, Cameron, and I thought I'd stop being a wimp and just ask him on a date. But well, through very vague questions I found out he had a girlfriend and of course didn't pursue it. Also looking at his Facebook profile, I'm really glad that he's got a girlfriend. Another guy who is most definitely not my type. He seemed so sweet too. Guess you find out what people are really all about through what they write on Facebook, and often by what their friends write to them.
Well one last thing to add before I get some sleep (or at least try to). I think I've found out the direction I want to head at my job. There's this one particular scheme that allows staff to help young teens who are living with parents who suffer from a mental illness, and often as a result, also suffer from a mental illness. I was chatting to some of the girls and we really bonded, and I think I could make a difference there. Knowing how depression can take over your life I feel I might be able to offer some insight. I've been through it all, self harm, self medicating, mixing medication and alcohol etc so maybe I could help in a way that others may not be able to. I don't know. I just want to make a difference. The things I've done are very well guarded. Most my mum doesn't even know about. I'm not proud of what I've done but if I went through those things to help others so they might not have to, then it was worth it. The lady who is currently in the position is retiring in June so I'm going to really try and get in there. I'm going to be doing a short course at Lifeline. I think it's the Crisis Hotline course but I'm not too sure. Again it'll be good to give back to the community.
Well a few quick outgoing hugs to give to others and then I'll try and get some sleep.
Some good things happened today (well yesterday now), and some bad things too. One of the people who I've probably grown the closest to is leaving to pursue another job. I'm happy for her, but I'm going to miss her Amy-isms. It just won't be the same without her cheerful demeanor. Also after talking with her I asked if it was okay if I applied for her position. She was fine with it, but I didn't get the job anyway because I don't have the preferred qualifications. But I think I left a good impression with the management team, because I showed my willingness to train and well, whatever it takes pretty much to be an asset to the company.
Amy had a really hard day because her great grandmother is sick and it's just really hard on her and her mum. Poor girl was in tears today. Although I'm not a huggy person I had to hug her. She's just such a lovely young girl, and I wish her all the best.
Through the day Andrew and I got to talking. Andrew is another person I work with, and Amy is really trying diligently to set us up, lol. Andrew's a great guy but we don't share the same moral values, so yeah. I don't see anything happening there. I feel a great deal of friendship, but nothing romantic. I've never really felt romantic about anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even able to love or if I've just put my walls up so high that it's an impossibility. But anyways, I think Andrew and I are going to the movies tonight. I'm not sure, and it's not a date. It's just 2 friends going to see a movie. I just hope he doesn't think it's a date. I mean, I don't think it was, but I really have zero experience in the dating area so maybe it'll be misinterpreted.
Basically the conversation went like this: Andrew: Did you do that research I asked you to? Me: What research? Andrew: I asked you to find out about movies playing. Me: Oh... No... *looks online* There's a horror movie called Devil about a bunch of people who get stranded in an elevator and the devil is among them. Andrew: Oooh, that one intrigues me. I'll go to it. When's it on? Me: 9pm... Its one and only timeslot for every night this week. Must be to keep the kiddies out. You'll have to tell me if it's any good. Andrew: Well, did you wanna see it? Me: I wouldn't mind seeing it. I love horror movies. Andrew: So you wanna go then? Me: Yeah, okay.
...Awesome, I probably accepted my first date without even realising it. Great going, Lauren -_-; Total genius. I would like to add that I was very nonchalant through the whole process. I didn't really think much of it at the time cause I was busy doing work, and my thoughts were all over. Awesome, more stress. I'm fortunate that I've explained my morals very thoroughly. And I won't cave with those morals, so as long as I remain strong I'll be fine.
Wow, people who read this must think I'm really stupid and stress way too much. It's just that I think forward to that moment where I've got to explain "Hey, I'm just not interested" and it scares the hell out of me cause I hate hurting people. I've avoided situations like this for that very reason. To avoid hurting others.
On a sidenote I stopped at a petrol station tonight and I had the intention of asking the guy out behind the register. Last time we spoke I felt a connection with the guy, Cameron, and I thought I'd stop being a wimp and just ask him on a date. But well, through very vague questions I found out he had a girlfriend and of course didn't pursue it. Also looking at his Facebook profile, I'm really glad that he's got a girlfriend. Another guy who is most definitely not my type. He seemed so sweet too. Guess you find out what people are really all about through what they write on Facebook, and often by what their friends write to them.
Well one last thing to add before I get some sleep (or at least try to). I think I've found out the direction I want to head at my job. There's this one particular scheme that allows staff to help young teens who are living with parents who suffer from a mental illness, and often as a result, also suffer from a mental illness. I was chatting to some of the girls and we really bonded, and I think I could make a difference there. Knowing how depression can take over your life I feel I might be able to offer some insight. I've been through it all, self harm, self medicating, mixing medication and alcohol etc so maybe I could help in a way that others may not be able to. I don't know. I just want to make a difference. The things I've done are very well guarded. Most my mum doesn't even know about. I'm not proud of what I've done but if I went through those things to help others so they might not have to, then it was worth it. The lady who is currently in the position is retiring in June so I'm going to really try and get in there. I'm going to be doing a short course at Lifeline. I think it's the Crisis Hotline course but I'm not too sure. Again it'll be good to give back to the community.
Well a few quick outgoing hugs to give to others and then I'll try and get some sleep.
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