Can't shake feeling guilty
Well we begin the weekend feeling guilty still. Received an invite from a family member for tonight which puts there being two events back to back - one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night. I had to discuss with my husband that I was not going to be able to attend either function due to my pain medications. I can't barely keep my eyes open after taking this newly prescribed Tramadol and find myself dozing off a lot for brief periods while watching TV. If I don't take the medications then I go back to having the severe pain in my left leg. I feel so guilty about not going with him but I just can't hang out like I did in the past. At least I know that he won't be attending tonight's event alone as his son is coming over to spend the night and will be going with my husband to this Tarheels vs Duke party. My husband plans on only staying a few hours then being home before the actual game begins. On Sunday though, my husband will be having to attend my father-in-laws birthday dinner without me or his son. Another reason I am feeling guilty is because I wrote a letter to my husbands family explaining to them what PD is and what affects it has on me both physically and emotionally and that it is because of my symptoms I don't feel comfortable leaving my safety net. We get many invites but don't attend because of how I feel. This has caused some problems with both family members and now I feel it's affecting things between my husband and myself. I am just worried that if I do attend Sunday's dinner that the topic of my letter to the family will be brought up as remarks have already been made. I'm afraid that the family is going to start looking down on me for writing the letter and because I can't muster up enough strength to attend all these functions they keep having. I'm scared that I am letting my husband down when it comes to getting out and doing things but I have to do what is best for me.
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Oh, I am sorry that PD is not only robbing you of this family time, but also creating tension between you and your family, and especially between you and your beloved. That must cause you a lot of pain.
To inject a bit of humor, I saw an Irish saying on Pinterest yesterday that to my best recollection said, \"Please don\'t talk about yourself while you\'re here. We plan on doing plenty of that after you leave.\" In other words, people will talk. It\'s completely out of your control, and as another saying goes, \"none of your business.\" Try to put their possible/probable comments out of your head.
At the risk of sounding as if I haven\'t an intelligent word of my own to say, I close with this, \"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.\"
It sounds to me like you are already living some of this out. it took courage to write the letter. It takes courage to face this disease every day. It takes wisdom to know your limits and to set boundaries for yourself. I hope you find serenity.
I did not know there was more to this prayer, but when I looked it up to make sure I had the wording right, I also found this, \"Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.\"