Can't seem to stop crying

I am already dooming this cycle because hubby and I only BDed 4 or 5 days prior to me getting the smiley face and 10 whole hours after I got the smiley face, I am sooo upset and can't stop crying because it's like he says he wants the same thing, but is not willing to put the effort. I have never been this emotional, but I am sooo going to blame him if this cycle don't work, I am so not even feeling him right now, can't even stand to look at him, he knew how crucial this was and he ruined it for me. I just want my Nevaeh back, but she is gone and a part of me is gone with her, will never be the same. I am not trying to replace my baby girl, just want to be a mommy so bad (I am a mommy to angel). I have been crying soo much since last night, sometimes I feel like I'm chocking, just sooo sad