Can't seem to get it together
I realize your suppossed to be positive and encouraging on here, but I just don't have it in me right now. I am just burnt out.
I dread going to work as I work with people that are self centered and moody and although they are allowed to take off for "necessary" things, picking up child from school as it suits them, hair and manicure appts and tans, dr apptmts for they or thier children, and week long vacations when they decide to, I have yet to take off for any of those things, short of a dr appmt and that is when my meds have to be refilled and its the only way to get them. Basic checkups, not done, and I have notices from my eye doctor that it has been a year, dentist that it has been awhile since my cleaning, and I don't dare ask off as I don't have priority in that.
I have not had a vacation since I was married, about 11 years ago and that was my late honeymoon gift. Gone a week.
I am just ready to give up on work, try to find someone else to take my place as I feel obligation to my family to fill my employment before leaving. I realize if I take this step, I will most likely be disowned as well. Our family dynamics are all about the business. I would also have to relocate. So this is a big weight on me but right now I feel as if the benefits of working for my family, paid insurance, a place to live, are not enough. I realize there are those out there that don't even have a job or a home, so I should be thankful. I have actually been on my own when I was married and with my ex fiance and was at odds with my family most of the time I had these relationships.
It is almost to be like if I don't just go along, I anger or upset them. I rarely see them other than work or holiday get togethers and I pretty much isolate right now. I stayed inside my home all weekend, other than to take care of my horse and go get food as I was out. Oh and to work Saturday. I am just a bit afraid I will become so anti social I won't be able to pull out of it this time.
I guess I am just venting..as someone said to journel helps. Thanks.
I dread going to work as I work with people that are self centered and moody and although they are allowed to take off for "necessary" things, picking up child from school as it suits them, hair and manicure appts and tans, dr apptmts for they or thier children, and week long vacations when they decide to, I have yet to take off for any of those things, short of a dr appmt and that is when my meds have to be refilled and its the only way to get them. Basic checkups, not done, and I have notices from my eye doctor that it has been a year, dentist that it has been awhile since my cleaning, and I don't dare ask off as I don't have priority in that.
I have not had a vacation since I was married, about 11 years ago and that was my late honeymoon gift. Gone a week.
I am just ready to give up on work, try to find someone else to take my place as I feel obligation to my family to fill my employment before leaving. I realize if I take this step, I will most likely be disowned as well. Our family dynamics are all about the business. I would also have to relocate. So this is a big weight on me but right now I feel as if the benefits of working for my family, paid insurance, a place to live, are not enough. I realize there are those out there that don't even have a job or a home, so I should be thankful. I have actually been on my own when I was married and with my ex fiance and was at odds with my family most of the time I had these relationships.
It is almost to be like if I don't just go along, I anger or upset them. I rarely see them other than work or holiday get togethers and I pretty much isolate right now. I stayed inside my home all weekend, other than to take care of my horse and go get food as I was out. Oh and to work Saturday. I am just a bit afraid I will become so anti social I won't be able to pull out of it this time.
I guess I am just venting..as someone said to journel helps. Thanks.
Replies
you dont have to be positive, you just have to be yourself, and state how you feel, sorry your going through such turmoil, it sounds like you have alot weighting down on you you say you work for your family so is it your other family members taking all this time off +
Don\'t be afraid to pull out the stop and just be yourself...warts and all.
It\'s ok...you\'ll find acceptance in this forum. I decided, a few years ago, to take a close look at my dependencies and how I could become more independent.
You have to live your own life.
While our lives give us problems that are not our fault; nevertheless, life is not fair and we get stuck having to solve the problems for ourselves.
The price of internal integrity can be high, but it\'s worth it. Apart from your history and the sharing of DNA with some fellow human beings...you have to define who will be your family and your friends. You have the power of choice there.
Unfortunately, I discovered that I really didn\'t like my family and I chose to leave.
Sorry getting it straight, I just now noticed your reply. I am terrible at speaking out for myself. If I could write my feelings down all the time, and people could read them, it would be better. Family members and non family take off and get privilages. It depends on how you rate with the supervisor, I am currently not on a level playing field.
Wow Tigertales, that must of been hard at first, scary, lonely and took such strength to cut ties with family. While I admit I don\'t get on well with most of my family, I have a brother who has been battling cancer and I just can\'t leave him. He has a family of his own but I was always his big sister and almost his mom in some ways as my mother had to deal with my alcoholic father so I watched my younger brother alot. Not sure what to do at this point... :(
I can understand your sense of obligation is staying.
The cross-gender relationships in our families are the most difficult. Father-daughter relationships can be very powerful in how a young lady is shaped and how she interacts with men later in life. I would imagine you dealt with a father that was unavailable emotionally. If that was the case, it could be very easy to see all men in that perspective; although that perspective is skewed much of the time.
Sometimes relationships need a clean sheet of paper. Unfortunately, this is not possible because we truly cannot forget anything.