Can\'t do it anymore, AHHHHHHHH!

I am not sure what to say. I have been having a really tough couple of weeks and I feel like it is all kinda bubbling right underneath the surface. I haven't really dealt with my seizures, I just have tried not to think about it, but that isn't working because I keep freaking out that I am going to have a seizure on a date, or in public, or somewhere when i am alone, and I can't get past it. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it that understands how terrifying it is for me, and my friends keep telling me to find a doctor to talk to about it, but considering I don't even really know how to put my feelings into words, I don't think that will help any.  I am known as such a strong, independant person and I am used to being in control of my life, and suddenly I have lost all the control over what happens in my life, and it is making me crazy. The worst in right before a seizure, because I know it is coming, but I am powerless to stop it, so I am basically just sitting there, waiting to black out and wake up and see the people around me with horrified looks on their faces. It has been a really hard blow on my sobriety as well, I feel like my life is so hard right now anyway, I just want to step out of my skin for a while, which isn't the best feeling for someone who is trying to stay off drugs.I have been sleeping until 11am everyday, sitting on the couch for hours, and only actually getting up and doing something after 1 or 2pm. I am scared to get a job cause of the seizures, but because I don't have a job, I have no money and no life. What I really want is a service dog, to try to make some good come of all of this, as well as to have something that will make me feel like I am not helpless and at the whim of my body, but they are sooooo expensive and have long waiting lists.  I don't know what to do or how to get out of this feeling of helplessness. I want to feel better, but i can't figure out any way to make that happen. I just don't know what to do....