Can't do it anymore

November 6th of last year I made a huge post about never trying to help anyone else again after my friend was threatening suicide because all that happened was she got mad and said she was fine and no one believed me anyways. And now that I think about it I can go back to middle school, when my “boyfriend” faked cutting his wrists over the phone and had a friend of mine help him convince me of this when all it was was a cruel joke. Just recently I tried again, and i don’t know if it did shit or not but my brain goes back to these times where it caused me nothing but pain and I keep thinking “If it was anyone else they’d have replied by now.” Is it me or is it them? I’ll never know, so what does my mind assume? It’s me, it’s always been me and it’s always going to be me. But I’ll keep trying anyways cause that’s just who I am.