Can I go any lower???

It has been so long without my kids that I fear I am losing my mind.  I am no longer thinking about them all the time.  It is almost as if my kids are but a distant dream.  It appears that no body cares about this situation.  I keep on going on with life but what is the point.  The mistaken idea that it may get better someday?  Not vey likely. I have heard so many saying just that.  Truth be told it is not going to get better.  I am at a distinct disadvantage in this situtation and the majority of the fault lies squarly on my sholders and my heart.  I have asked my Lord for help and it may come in a fashion that I may not expect. I am not a person without hope, that is what is keeping me going.  I have not lost my hope.  I just have so little to left.  I have so little left that it is not fair for me to try and fool those who have need of it more than I.  Let me put some things in perspective.  I have had less than 6 hour with my kids since Jan 1 2008.  My X will never pick up the phone when I call nor will she call back so I can talk to them.  She does not take them to church often.  I cant even get a court date to get some kind of visitation with my children.  I have become a margnalized father and I have no immediate recourse.  All I have now is time that has been taken away from me with the kids. I will never get any of that time back.  that time is stolen!!!  I can look forward to time with them agian someday.  I am becomeing so sure that it is not in the imediate future.  I have become numb!!!!