Calmness

I woke up at about 8.20..the first thing that entered my head was glue..fought it till about 10 and then went out and got some glue. Used that glue..then it was 2 in the afternoon sudenly..I had the most vicious headache. Without thinking, I think I was still a bit hihg I went out to town again and got some more glue. had that at about 2.30 then it was 4 and now it is 5.40 in the afternoon. All I can feel is what a fucking lie I am to Nick. I agreed to sniff safely and avoid a bag. argh.So I cant remember what Ive wrote and what I havent. But heres an update. I saw monster lady on wednesday and was so angry a huge wall blocked us apart. I ddnt want to be there. on Wednesday night I fainted at gymnastics. I kept fainting when I got home but thankgo no fits. On thursday I went to see Nick in the morning becaus eI was just a mess and crying and just awfull. Never felt so low. I only had glue today so I couldnt get to be that low again. On tuesday morning Nick and I are going to meet this man who's Nick's friend and we are going to drink coffee and Its just a meeting for me to see what I think of him. He's a councellor and deals mainly with depression. I just dont want to do it by myself. So nick will be there and it wont hopefully turn out like monster meeting did. I havent fitted I dont think..although I 'woke up' to my bed shaking and thought fuck haveI fitted again.   I am the master of my own thoughts. I meditated myself into such a high last night,I mean a glueless high. Theres this book Nick ibtruduced me to.and its called the secret. You all should read it. It explains the laws of attraction and how like thoughts attract like thoughts. For about 6 hours last night I sat in my chair saying I am the master of my own thoughts. my head is not oging to explode. And more like good thoughts came into my mind and it was just pure peace. I just down tknow why I crashed today and why I fucked up so badly. I dint mean to fuck up. I didnt want to fuck up. Today was going to be my day 1.   I am the master of my thoughts.